Susan Boyle was on ‘Oprah.’ In case you haven’t been keeping up, Faces from the Last Season of Oprah is still fantastic. Awkward screen caps always make me laugh. [GIF via folkinz]

Monday is Day One of Conan on TBS. Danger Guerrero explains why it’s imperative that we watch. [UPROXX]

Oh my God, there’s a slutty girl in Texas! Video footage of a lap dance/makeout session at Dallas’s new stadium. Beats the hell out of watching the Cowboys. [With Leather]

Adam Sandler’s next movie looks terrible. Fortunately, there’s a bouncy GIF of Brooklyn Decker to make up for it. [FilmDrunk]

Gandalf with a shotgun. Ian McKellen discusses his role in the coming Hobbit film, but I’m gonna go back to what really matters here: Gandalf with a shotgun. [Gamma Squad]

All your sex problems: solved! Except herpes. Here’s the weekly sex & fantasy football mailbag. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

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Ever since Susan Boyle became a YouTube sensation and totally made me cry a little during “Britain’s Got Talent,” various “____ Got Talent” acts have been labeled “the next Susan Boyle.” And yet no one’s really ever been the next Susan Boyle, because dumpy unemployed Scottish cat ladies who also happen to be virtuoso altos are kind of hard to come by.

So here’s the newest iteration of not-Susan Boyle, a ten-year-old YouTube entry to “America’s Got Talent” named Jackie Evancho, a girl with a voice made of honey and rainbows and ground-up unicorn horns. I guess it’s great that she sings purty, but what I noticed is that she is gonna be smokin’ hot some day. Uh, I mean she’s already beautiful. Er, she’s a very nice-looking ten-year-old. CRAP! Forget I said anything.

[BuzzFeed]

This tuxedoed Chinese boy with a terrible haircut is Lin Yu Chun, a contestant on China’s “Super Star Avenue,” a reality talent show that offers prizes of money and record deals just like every other talent show.

But what’s not like every other talent show is Lin wailing “I Will Always Love You” like he’s the Chinese love child of Dolly Parton and Whitney Houston (must-watch video below). This kid just owns the song. And I mean that figuratively with literal intent. Like, he should get the Chinese rights to the song and 20% of all international box office sales to The Bodyguard. A kid wearing a tuxedo with a bowl cut hasn’t been this popular since the boy with Down syndrome was the ring bearer at your aunt and uncle’s wedding.

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Saturday night was the finale of “Britain’s Got Talent,” and in a shocking twist, Scottish cat-lady sensation Susan Boyle (above, reprising “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Mis) lost to a dance troupe called Diversity (video below).  I say “shocking” as if the clearly inferior act has never won a televised talent contest before.  Diversity has all the skill and innovation of a solid high school cheerleading squad.  They should definitely win a show called “Britain’s Got Guys Who Dance as Well as High School Girls.”

Anyway, since I’m unabashedly pro-Susan Boyle, it was saddening to hear that she was taken by ambulance to the hospital following an apparent emotional breakdown:

In response to questions about Ms. Boyle, a spokeswoman said: “Police were called to doctors assessing a woman under the Mental Health Act. The woman was taken voluntarily by ambulance to a clinic. At the request of doctors, police accompanied the ambulance.”

British newspapers reported that she had been begun to behave erratically after losing to a dance group called Diversity in the Saturday night finals of the show that had transformed her into a worldwide phenomenon. In public she had seemed gracious in defeat.

Fancast noted that Boyle, 48, “was starved of oxygen at birth leading to minor brain damage.”  Man, I had no idea.  That retard can really sing.  So get well, Susan, and record me some Broadway tunes.  The “Glee” soundtrack isn’t going to satisfy my gay music needs forever.

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On this weekend’s “Britain’s Got Talent,” a frumpy 47-year-old unemployed cat woman named Susan Boyle went on stage and sang “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Miserables.  The producers set her up to look like one of the crazies who make an ass of themselves — not that that was terribly hard — but then something special happened.  Boyle ROCKED it.  She absolutely owned the song.  You can actually see Simon Cowell’s heart turn from black to red and start pumping blood for the first time in years.

I know that we bloggers work in constant hyperbole — every day something is the best or worst ever.  And that’s a shame, because this is the single most surprising and touching moment I’ve ever seen from a reality show.  I admit, when I watched this clip last night, I got a little misty.  Okay, I cried a little.  A lot.  I sobbed throughout the second half of the song.  But to be fair, I’d been drinking, and I’ve got some other stuff going on in my life.  Don’t judge me!