Actor Jaleel White — don’t call him Urkel, he hates that — will host a new Syfy series called “Total Blackout.” It’s basically the same thing as ABC’s “Love in the Dark,” minus the love.

The a comedic game show in which contestants battle each other and their fears in a series of challenges. However, there is a twist — all the challenges are played in complete darkness. There are no lights, no blindfolds and no-holds barred as the players face their fears and unexpected surprises in a series of nerve-wracking games. [Accidental Sexiness via TV Tattle]

The show will begin production in L.A. next week, but there’s no premiere date set yet. I’ll let you know when it airs so you can be sure to have dinner plans that night.

We scoff, but at least this is steady, legitimate work. It’s hard out there for ’90s TV nerds. I saw Dustin Diamond begging for change on the subway the other day and gave him 25 cents. I’m kidding, of course. I would never give a panhandler money.

(image via BuzzFeed)

Some show called “Eureka” has been canceled, according to a report from EW. The show, supposedly about characters with clothes, some of whom may have had a large gun or were possibly pregnant at one point, allegedly aired on Syfy for five seasons, and last week the cable network ordered six episodes of a sixth season. However, Syfy changed its mind and made a statement canceling the show outright:

After painstaking consideration, we have had to make the difficult business decision to not order a season six of Eureka. But Eureka is not over yet. There is a new holiday episode this December and 12 stellar episodes set to debut next year, marking its fifth season and six memorable years on Syfy. The 2012 episodes are some of the best we’ve seen, and will bring this great series to a satisfying end.

“This is devastating news,” said a theoretical person who watched this show, assuming its existence is not a giant hoax.

Desperate to stay ahead of the curve on geeky monster crazes, Syfy has acquired the rights to “Lost Girl,” a supernatural drama about a bisexual woman who discovers that she’s a succubus (watch the trailer below).

The network is adding to its lineup two seasons of Lost Girl, starring Anna Silk (The Ghost Whisperer) as Bo, a demon seductress who feeds off sexual energy. Raised by human parents, Bo had no idea she was any different until she accidentally “drained” her first boyfriend to death.

She hits the road and discovers she’s a member of a group that feeds off human energy, and she must choose between joining the light and dark clans. [EW]

So let me get this straight. The show’s about a sexy bisexual sex monster played by someone named “Anna Silk,” and it’s NOT a porn? I hope someone got fired for that creative oversight.

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There are few things I love more than Syfy’s Roger Corman-produced hybrid monster B-movies. Corman’s brilliantly lowbrow Dinoshark and Sharktopus flicks inspired me to make a series of my own hybrid monsters, and no other channel has the balls to resurrect the ghosts of Debbie Gibson and Tiffany while Mega Python and Gatoroid are locked in a battle royale.

That brings us to the newest creation in the Corman/Syfy hopper: Piranhaconda! Part piranha, part anaconda, ALL PIRANHACONDA!

The Corman-produced movie stars Michael Madsen and Rachel Hunter. Logline: “A low-budget horror movie crew, inept kidnappers and a reptile expert battle a monstrous anaconda/piranha hybrid in the Amazon jungle.” No air date yet set. [EW]

Oh, Michael Madsen. You couldn’t have waited another two months until the next time Quentin Tarantino or Robert Rodriguez made a movie? On the other hand, I can see where he’s coming from: I’d happily get eaten by a CGI Piranhadactyl Rex if it meant sharing a trailer with Rachel Hunter. Honey, I’ll help you forget you ever saw Rod Stewart naked. *pulls out frying pan*

Justified (FX) – I want to be very clear about something. If I ever happen across the actor who played the bank robber in last week’s episode who kicked my precious Winona in the face, I will tear him limb from limb. You may argue he was just playing the role as written, and may very well be a nice man with a good heart. I don’t care. He knew what he signed on for when he took the part.

Modern Family (ABC) – In tonight’s episode, Luke befriends a curmudgeonly neighbor, played by Philip Baker Hall. I’m not the biggest “Seinfeld” fan in the world, but Hall’s turn as Mr. Bookman, the library cop, resulted in one of my favorite television scenes ever.  Ha, “pee pees and wee wees.”

American Idol (FOX) – Tonight, the finalists perform Motown songs. This infuriates me.

American Greed (CNBC) – I watched a bunch of these one night. It’s amazing how many people get caught by leaving files out/open that are essentially labeled “Crimes I am currently committing.”  The nice part is that now I’m like 85% sure I could run an incredible Ponzi scheme. Thanks, CNBC!

Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files (Syfy) – Spoiler alert: faked. All of them. Faked by giant fakers who faked their way through Fakeyfaketown State University, where they got their fake degree in Fakeology. Except for Ouija boards. I’m pretty sure those are real. My brother’s friend’s cousin’s dad told him so.  But he also went to Fakeyfaketown State, so take that with a grain of salt.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Jake Gyllenhaal on Kimmel; Ben Stiller, Dario Franchitti, and The Strokes on Letterman; Vanessa Hudgens (who, for the record, seems like a blast to hang out with) and “Real World” alum/WWE Champ The Miz on Conan; Jim Parsons on Ferguson; Trey Parker and Matt Stone on Fallon (also, Bootsy Collins jams with The Roots); and Carol Burnett on Leno. Timely, Jay. Full listings at TV Squad.