Ashley Hebert, this past season’s “Bachelorette,” could have easily pulled aside finalist Ben Flajnik and told him that she was going to choose J.P. Rosenbaum. Instead, she allowed Ben to go through with his proposal, which she swatted away like Dikembe Mutombo in his prime. “NOT IN MY HOUSE!” said Ashley, flexing for the cameras as Ben’s heart broke in front of a national TV audience.

But it’s gonna work out just fine for Ben, who will star in the next season of “The Bachelor” and get his choice of 25 women, at least 20 of whom will have bigger boobs than Ashley.

The 28-year-old California winemaker was dissed by Bachelorette Ashley Hebert this summer, and it seems things didn’t work out between him and Jennifer Love Hewitt on their apparent recent date (“Rumors are rumors … we did meet, but totally by coincidence,” she insisted to Ryan Seacrest.) But Flajnik will have the ladies lining up in January if all goes according to the network’s current intentions. [EW]

Golly, it’s so good to hear that this tall California winemaker with a careless tumble of curly brown locks is going to get another chance at love. He probably would’ve spent the rest of his life alone if ABC didn’t toss him this life preserver.

The Bachelorette (ABC) — The conclusion of the two-part season finale. I haven’t seen a lick of this show, so I’ll just guess that a white lady in a $5,000 dress and hair extensions gives a white guy a flower and then everyone cries. Do I win? I think I win.

Hell’s Kitchen (FOX) — At this point, there’s not a jury in the land that would convict you if you bashed Gordon Ramsay in the head with a pineapple. That’s not legal advice. Just an observation.

Hoarders/Intervention (A&E) — I just want to remind all of you that “A&E” is short for “Arts and Entertainment.” I’m not sure which category addiction and debilitating mental conditions fall into, but I’ll let you know once I figure it out.

Rogue Sharks/Summer of the Shark (Discovery) — FACT: Every show title during Shark Week also works as a name for a metal band. I would buy a Rogue Sharks CD sound unheard.

Weeds (Showtime) — I haven’t seen any of this show either, so I’ll go with “A pretty lady sells drugs with her shirt off.” I won again, didn’t I? I’m good at this game.

Rizzoli & Isles (TNT) — TNT should do a “Rizzoli & Isles”/”Franklin & Bash” crossover arc where they do a bunch of stuff by their own rules and then bone.

Conan (TBS) — I’m giving this one it’s own slot instead of busting it down below because his guests are Harrison Ford (fresh off his trippy appearance on Letterman) and Marissa Miller (who wore this dress when she was on in November). OK!

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Howel Mandel and the Bachelorette lady on Kimmel; James Franco and Diana Agron on Letterman; Ferguson’s in Paris so I’ll guess “a talking rat that can cook really well”; Ryan Reynolds on Leno; Lou Dobbs (?) on Fallon; Freida Pinto (!) on The Daily Show.

Bentley practices a move known as "The Pesci."

The Bachelorette (ABC) — Ashley takes the remaining hunks on a trip to exotic Thailand, where $30 can buy them a night of freaky sex with two women better-looking than Ashley.

Stanley Cup Finals (NBC) — Game 6, Vancouver leads Boston 3-2. That’s right, “Finals” with an S. It’s a series comprised of multiple games, hence the plural. So any hockey fan who tries to tell me it’s the Stanley Cup Final can shove a big silver trophy right up his gaping Canada.

Platinum Hit (Bravo) — Here’s a reality TV show I haven’t talked about before. And not talking about a reality show is the most damning response of all: not good enough to garner ratings, not bad enough to spark a reaction.

New Hampshire Republican Presidential Debate (CNN) — Starring Mitt Romney, Michele Bachman, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, and Rick Santorum. AKA “America’s Next Top Dukakis.”

Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family) — Season premiere. Does this “secret life” include prostitution or spying on communists? No? Then I’m not interested.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Mostly reruns. Jason Sudeikis and Adam Levine on Leno; Henry Kissinger on Colbert; Adam Carolla on Lopez; and Noah Wyle and up-and-coming roast star Anthony Jeselnik on Conan.

Woo-hoo, three-day weekend! I’ve got the standard Weekend Preview (plus Monday) up front here, then some of the highlights from all the marathons being shown after the jump. That said, your TV ain’t goin’ anywhere. You have two chores this weekend: 1) Go outside. 2) Call a veteran you know and thank them. Anything else is gravy.

Game of Thrones (HBO, Sunday) – No show has been as committed to nudity, violence, and incest since the heyday of Jerry Springer.

Friday Night Lights (NBC, Friday) – Look. I don’t watch this show, and, despite dozens of claims I’ve made over the years, it doesn’t look like I’m going to start. I know it’s good. Yell at me if it makes you feel better.

Legally Blonde (VH1, Friday) – This movie is full of sh-t. I mean, in three years of law school, I wasn’t assigned A SINGLE first-degree murder case. Talk about a letdown.

The Bachelorette (ABC, Monday) – Last week, one dude got wasted as all holy hell, passed out, and was promptly sent home. I hope to God he becomes the next Bachelor and they title it “The Bachelor: Shots?”

Platinum Hit (Bravo, Monday) – Disgusting brownie thief Kara Diguardi’s new reality show, where, I assume, she eats strangers out of house and home or something. I’ll never know for sure.

Surprise Homecoming (TLC, Monday) – A reality-ish show where families of members of the military are surprised when their loved ones come home to visit. This is… this is nice, TLC. As long as you don’t have some dipsh-t douchemullet like Billy Ray Cyrus hosting it. (*looks to see who’s hosting it*) Guh. Nevermind.

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The Chicago Code (Fox) — Season/series finale. “Code’s” best — perhaps only — hope to get the “Southland” treatment is to deliver an uptick in ratings for the finale. I won’t hold my breath.

The Bachelorette (ABC) — Season premiere. Ashley Hebert begins her search for love by sifting through 25 men so desperate to be on television that they’re willing to compete against 24 other dudes for the right marry a woman selected for them by a TV network.

Too Big to Fail (HBO) — Ordinarily, financial stuff bores me to tears — why do you think I have such a lousy job? — but the previews of this original movie about the 2008 financial meltdown look downright gripping. Starring William Hurt in an all-star cast that includes Paul Giamatti and directed by Curtis Hanson (L.A. Confidential, 8 Mile).

Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — The final three dancers compete for the last time before tomorrow night’s finale. Not that the dancing remotely matters at all, as evidenced by Kirstie Alley’s continued presence on the show.

The Event (NBC) — Series finale. Would you look at that? I had no idea that this show was still on the schedule.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Lady Gaga and Eric Stonestreet on Letterman; Dustin Hoffman and Meghan McCain on Leno; Wanda Sykes and “Bachelorette” Ashley on Kimmel; Jack Black and Rampage Jackson on Ferguson; Bon Iver performs on Fallon; and Ken Jeong on Conan (with a performance by Yeasayer).