It’s no secret that I hate putting together link dumps. But stick with me on this one — I’ve got some pictures and cat .GIFs that should make it worthwhile.

Why do video games have the best advertising? Seriously, I don’t even play video games, but every commercial makes me want to give up all my awesome social activities (like checking Tumblr) and play first-person shooters. [Uproxx]

Think of the restaurant websites! Did Steve Jobs and Adobe kill Flash? [Uproxx News]

A Guide to Recognizing Your Mascots. I’m pleased to announce that Brandon Stroud — who has filled in for me at Warming Glow before — has joined our sports branch with this examination of minor league mascots. [With Leather]

ADVENTURE MORMON! I already like the concept better than “Big Love.” [Tastefully Offensive]

Velocipastor. If the special effects in this trailer don’t make you laugh, there’s just no hope for you. Imagine if Barney wore a priest’s collar and went on a killing spree. Side note: Barney in a priest’s collar is the molestiest costume ever. [FilmDrunk]

Voltron is coming back! The new show will be on Nicktoons in May, and studios are looking to make a movie about people operating giant robotic space cats that join together to make a larger humanoid robot. It’s a timeless story. [Gamma Squad]

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Saturday Night Live (NBC) — Miley Cyrus hosts, while the Strokes have traveled forward in time from 2001 to be the musical guests. Of course, Vanessa Bayer has gotten laughs with her Miley Cyrus impression this year, so of course that’ll be one of the sketches. I just hope that Miley plays some other starlet for the sketch — I don’t need to see Miley meeting fake Miley. (TV Squad had a solid interview with Bayer about meeting Cyrus, by the way.)

The Celebrity Apprentice (NBC, Sunday) — Season premiere, which will feature Gary Busey looking his finest. I’ve never watched a minute of any season of “Celebrity Apprentice,” but the unhinged insanity of Busey may just be enough to get me to tune. Gary Busey is less a human being than he is a well-trained grizzly bear: he’s generally entertaining, he poops wherever he wants to, and he’s a constant threat to snap and maul bystanders.

Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo, Sunday) — Season premiere. The housewives that started it all. Thanks a lot, ladies.

Taking on Tyson (Animal Planet, Sunday) — Series premiere. Wow, a reality series about Mike Tyson getting into pigeon racing. I wrote about this a year ago, but I thought it wouldn’t come to fruition after I heard about some of the legal hurdles the show faced.

The NAACP Image Awards (Fox, Friday) — Hosted by Holly Robinson Peete and Wayne Brady. Tyler Perry is nominated for 19 awards, your argument is invalid.

Army Wives (Lifetime, Sunday) — Season 5 premiere. God bless ‘em, but real-life Army wives are super fat. Like, orca fat. Imagine the Duggars, but from West Virginia.

A lot of people don’t like the phrase “jump the shark,” but “jump the shark” sounds fresh and meaningful when compared to the lazy cliche of “throwing someone under the bus.” This supercut — which has clips ONLY from this season of “The Celebrity Apprentice” — shows all the times that the latter phrase was used. It was made by Rich at fourfour, the same guy who made the terrific “I’m not here to make friends” supercut in 2008, as well as its 2009 sequel.

I appreciate Rich’s work in trying to fight the overuse of lazy, uninspired language, but I just don’t think these compilations are doing the job. That’s why I’m volunteering to be a production assistant on any and every reality show currently being made. I’ll be the P.A. in charge of stabbing people. If someone says, “I’m not here to make friends” or any variant of under-bus-throwing, I’ll be there to bury my Ka-Bar hilt-deep into their ribs. Man, I’d love to have that on my resumé. “Mr. Ufford, it says here that you were the Stabbing Liaison for a reality television show. What exactly did that entail?” “Stabbing people, mostly.”

[video hosted by Videogum; more on the etymology of the phrase here]

This may be hard to believe, but there was actually a television finale last night that wasn’t about plane crash survivors on a magical island. Over on NBC, Bret Michaels faced off against Holly Robinson Peete in the “Celebrity Apprentice” finale, with Michaels winning largely on sympathy thanks to the brain hemorrhage and stroke he suffered in the last month. Some guys have all the luck.

Despite all odds, Michaels managed to appear during tonight’s live two-hour finale, and received a standing ovation when he entered the boardroom. Even Peete was moved to tears, and seemed well-aware that Michaels was the odds-on favorite heading into tonight’s decision. At one point, she quipped that even her 5-year-old son was now rooting for him. “Mom, I love you, but I’m kind of pulling for Bret,” he had said to her that morning. [TV Squad]

As depicted in the banner image, a medical team was on hand for the live show. Fortunately, nothing happened and the medical team wasn’t needed. Fortunately for Michaels, I mean. It would have been awesome for NBC. Nothing spices up a live broadcast like someone dying on-air. Or so I would imagine. *crosses fingers and hopes for dystopian future with “Running Man” on Fox*

Reality TV star Bret Michaels suffered a major brain hemorrhage late last week and remains in the intensive care unit of an undisclosed hospital. Earlier this month, Michaels’s appendectomy was complicated by his diabetes, and his history of head trauma includes an attack from a descending set piece at last year’s Tony Awards.

According to a note posted on the singer’s Web site and Facebook page on Monday morning (April 26), the 47-year-old rocker “remains in ICU under 24-hour surveillance. Further testing this week will help locate the source of the bleeding.” The singer is reportedly suffering from slurred speech, blurred vision and dizziness as a result of the hemorrhage. Michaels was rushed to the hospital late Thursday evening, where doctors discovered he had suffered a subarachnoid hemorrhage, or bleeding at the base of his brain stem…

“After several CAT scans, MRIs and an angiogram, [doctors] decided to keep Michaels in the ICU and are running several tests to determine the cause [of the hemorrhage],” a source told People magazine, in a report that Michaels’ rep said was accurate. “[It] will be touch and go for the next few days while he is under intense observation.” [MTV]

You can read more details about Michaels’s condition here, and there’s a possibility that the bleeding comes from a condition known as AVM, which the character Nate from “Six Feet Under” suffered from (AVM has also appeared on “House” and “HawthoRNe” — thanks, Wikipedia!). I’m not a doctor, but… bleeding in the brain is bad, right? It seems like it would be bad.