On this week’s “America’s Next Top Model,” aspiring modeling failure Alexandra faced a runway challenge that featured both a daunting staircase and a runway intermittently blocked by swinging pendulums. Why the hell are there swinging pendulums on the runway, you ask? Because it’s awesome. Duh.
Anyway, the video below shows Alexandra navigating the obstacles with style and grace. Nah, just kidding. She fails spectacularly in every way possible. It’s absolutely delightful. Those pendulums are FIERCE.
High Society (CW) — Series premiere. Billed essentially as “Jersey Shore with rich people,” this is already reviled by critics who’ve had the misfortune to screen it. The Los Angeles Times called the cast members “aging children of unearned privilege” while noting their various and sickening disconnection with people living in the real world. I’d much rather go clubbing with Pauly D and the Situation. Can anyone lend me an Ed Hardy shirt?
America’s Next Top Model (CW) — Season premiere. Ninety minutes of Tyra. I swear this is like the 20th season in the last five years.
Modern Family (ABC) — Judy Greer guest stars as one of Phil’s old girlfriends. Again: I’ve enjoyed most the guest stars this season, but they’re really unnecessary.
Human Target (Fox) — This dud makes me want to go buy the eponymous comic books that have been debased by the show’s existence.
CSI: New York (CBS) — Ian Ziering guest stars! Steve Sanders in the house!
Psych (USA) — Season finale. I’d like to thank to the handful of people who offered their sincere recommendation that I watch this show. I still haven’t caught an episode, but it was a really nice gesture.
Attack of the Show (G4) — I don’t give this show much love, because it comes on at 7 p.m. (too early) and I don’t know where to find G4 on my cable box. But Annie Wersching (crazy Renee from “24″) will be on the show, and I happen to consider that newsworthy.
Terrence the Gay T-Rex LOVES that hat on you, girl!
Ever since I heard the news back in July that Rumer Willis was going to play a “punky cute lesbian” (not my words) on “90210,” I’ve been dying to see the iron-jawed offspring of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore kiss one of the show’s female characters. By which I mean: I’d forgotten “90210″ existed, and a TV series jumping the shark with a lesbian kiss barely registers on my consciousness except to recognize it as a death knell.
Anyway, the CW released this still of Rumer kissing Jessica Lowndes, who I admit is very attractive. But I just don’t know why shows think this will stir up additional viewers. I mean, if a person online is savvy enough to find the production still of Willis and Lowndes kissing, then that person is also probably capable of Googling “lesbian kiss” or “girls kissing” — and that’s a one-way ticket to the Double End section of Dildotown. I’ve heard that neighborhood’s really gentrifying.
“The Beautiful Life” was a lousy show with bad acting and a boring lead actress that no one watched, so the CW pulled it after only two episodes (the season’s first cancellation, in fact). But creator/producer Ashton Kutcher is certain that the show didn’t get a fair shot, so he’s putting all five episodes of the show online at YouTube. Choo choo, here comes the fail train!
“What we feel like we’re doing is creating, in some ways, an industry first,” Kutcher told Reuters. “A show that couldn’t find its legs on television, we believe can find its legs on the Web.”[...]
YouTube and Kutcher are banking on the TV-level quality to attract viewers in a crowded Web landscape that has plenty of expensively made reruns, but not a lot of high-end original content. Kutcher reckons if he can increase the audience size on YouTube, then he might lure sponsors or others to finance more episodes solely for the Web. [...]
While the trend in content for the Web has called for short “webisodes” of 5- to 15-minutes, instead of longer shows, Kutcher believes “The Beautiful Life’s” production values will allow it to buck that trend. “I would bargain that people will be willing to sit a lot longer if the picture looks a lot better,” Kutcher said.
Not the plot. Not the writing. Not the characters. Not the acting. The picture quality is going to keep you watching a YouTube video for 40 minutes. So let’s put this to the test. Up top there is the pilot episode (I didn’t want anyone lost in the back story). Go ahead, sit there and try to watch this for forty minutes. I made it through 2:33. Or, as you might see, 2:31 plus two seconds of Mischa Barton.
As much as I love writing, I don’t have the right words for how much I dislike Perez Hilton. What he does on a daily basis is an insult to anyone who puts any kind of effort into a creative endeavor on the Internet. He’s a talentless liar and a fame whore whose only success comes from the fact that he showed up early to celebrity blogging and most people are too lazy to change their bookmarks.
So it was refreshing to see Sam Rubin of KTLA (LA’s station for the CW) rip Perez on-air after Princess Fairypants ditched out on an interview yesterday. Naturally, Perez demanded an apology because he’s an insufferable drama queen, but instead Rubin called him a talentless dope and went off on him for two and a half minutes. It’s the most pleasure I can get from a Perez Hilton-related video that isn’t him being beaten with an aluminum baseball bat and buried alive in the desert.
What with all the hullabaloo surrounding the return of Heather Locklear as Amanda Woodward on last night’s “Melrose Place,” the true highlight of the show — this charming lesbian makeout scene — got overlooked. Note to the CW: that’s great that you got a sexy old broad to wear a miniskirt, but you might want to advertise chicks making out, too. It may be a desperate ratings grab, but it’s one that usually piques my interest. I’m a simple man that way.
RELATED VIDEO: Below, in much much sexier lesbian action, is Carmen Electra’s leaked lesbian video. (Or should I say “leaked” with sarcastiquotes?) It’s three minutes of her wearing tight underwear, a bra, knee-high socks, and a choker and frolicking around in a hotel room with a sexy brunette with whom she makes out. They also manage to sexily waste some champagne. In all honesty, even though it’s not explicit or particularly shocking, it is absolutely sexy as hell. The only way it could turn me on any more is if I made an appearance with a side of bacon and a deep frier. What? Use your imagination.
