Riding high on the success of Vampire Diaries, the WB CW has the hype machine running full speed for its latest teen super-powers-as-a-metaphor-for-diversity-parable, The Secret Circle, which debuts on September 15. The show is based on the book series from author L.J. Smith, who also did pretty well as my fantasy football tight end a few seasons ago.

So what, pray tell, is the story behind this teen romance fantasy series that makes it any different from all the others?

Circle (which is executive-produced by Vampire Diaries boss Kevin Williamson) centers on Cassie (played by Robertson), a teen who is forced by tragedy to leave behind her life in California for the mysterious Chance Harbor, Wash. There, she discovers that both she and her new group of friends — among them, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles‘ Thomas Dekker, Days of Our Lives alum Shelley Hennig and Australian starlet Phoebe Tonkin — are in fact witches. (Via TV Line)

Ah yes, this one is about witches… who attend high school in the Pacific Northwest. Huge difference.

The network released a teaser at Comic Con to get the geek hormones fired up, and I’m not gonna lie – this cast has some serious potential. Britt Robertson plays the lead witch – the reluctant sorceress, if you will – and I have no clue who she is. But the always wonderful Natasha Henstridge is playing the principal, and former Miss Teen USA Shelley Hennig is a witch, too. Also, Phoebe Tonkin is fresh off the boat from Australia and she seems nice. In all, this may deserve at least a viewing on mute.

After the jump, check out the new promo character posters, as well as the Comic Con teaser.

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Last week I posted brief synopses of the four new shows that the CW is adding to its schedule next year, and while I thought they sounded terrible, I didn’t realize they’d be THIS awful. Above is a preview clip for “H8R,” in which Snooki confronts a guy who can’t stand her. And mostly he just stands there with a dumb look on his face while Snooki jabbers on and Mario Lopez laughs at him. It’s infuriating. I want the hater to break a pool cue over Snooki’s head, not stand there and take a tongue-lashing from an Oompa Loompa.

On the next pages I’ve got previews for “Ringer” and “Hart of Dixie,” which both look awful, but at least they look awful in more entertaining ways. (The CW’s other new show, “Secret Circle,” had a six-minute preview, but the CW pulled it out of respect for their viewers for copyright infringement.)

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Mario Lopez, the “Access Hollywood” host who could only be more unlikable if he hosted the show seated in a backwards chair, will host a new reality show on the CW called “H8R.” Set to debut in the fall, the show will introduce loathsome celebrities to the noble people who hate them.

Lopez hosts H8R, in which celebrities confront their biggest haters and try to convince them that their animosity is misdirected. The CW first ordered a pilot for the project, which featured reality stars Snooki and Kim Kardashian. The pilot has been red-hot at the CW. The network for years has been looking for a new big, loud reality series to join America’s Next Top Model, and I hear the feeling internally is that this might be it. [Deadline]

I hate to admit it, but I can see how this premise could be successful from a narrative standpoint: the hater goes on about how much he hates the celebrity, the celebrity shows up and acts all nice, the hater doesn’t have the balls to be mean to the celeb’s face, and they reach some sort of mutual understanding of human goodness. Ugh. It’s a brilliant and evil plot to make horrible wastes of people like the Kardashians look sympathetic. That’s why I recommend all haters who go on this show to carry a knife and just start stabbing before the celebrity gets a chance to say a word. Not only will it make for great TV, but it should also shorten the episodes considerably.

The CW renewed five of its shows yesterday, which has to be great news for everyone from teenage girls to grown women who act like teenage girls. Most notable in this news was the revelation that after years of increasingly dull cycles, “America’s Next Top Model” would finally have an All-Star edition.

First off, America’s Next Top Model will return with an All-Stars edition, featuring previous model hopefuls who were “breakout characters” and who “had the most memorable stories from past cycles.” Our question: Does that mean they’ll be bringing back the girls who had the most potential to make it in the modeling world? Or will they concentrate on the people who brought the most drama?  [LA Times]

Considering that one of the girls who WON a cycle served me coffee in Brooklyn a couple years ago, I figure the show will aim for drama. And that means we’re destined to see Jade Cole (pictured), the Cycle 6 villain who showed up telling everyone how hot she was and then spent the next twelve weeks being told she looked like a tranny. Good times.

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It’s pilot season, which means that actors are getting cast in shows that may or may not make the air at a much faster rate than I can possibly keep track of. But, because I’m a sex-obsessed pig, here’s a quick rundown of attractive women who’ve recently landed roles:

Rachel Bilson is a flawless human being, so of course she beat out everyone on the planet for a role in the CW’s “Hart of Dixie.” From Deadline: “It is a comedic drama centered on a young New York City doctor (Bilson) who inherits a medical practice in a small Southern town inhabited by an eclectic and eccentric group of characters.” So… Doc Hollywood meets “Northern Exposure” meets the girl of my dreams (see following pages). Gotcha.

Annie Wersching, previously hailed at Warming Glow for being unhinged and super-hot on “24,” has landed a lead role in ABC’s “Partners,” a cop drama about two female detectives “who are fiercely loyal to one another since they’re also secretly half-sisters.”

Anna Camp, the perky blonde preacher’s wife from “True Blood,” landed one of the two lesbian roles in the NBC pilot “I Hate That I Love You” (previously written about here). Aw, a lesbian? What a waste of handjob skills! [Deadline]

Laura Prepon will play a young version of Chelseas Handler in an NBC pilot called “Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea.” Prepon will play “a fresh-faced single cocktail waitress highly opinionated and open about her love to drink and have sex.” I like that last part, but I could do with fewer opinions.

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