James Whittemore, a 22-year-old aspiring actor, was arrested early Sunday morning after he concluded a drunken bender by smashing the glass doors and lobby of the Ed Sullivan Theater, the home of “The Late Show with David Letterman.” Stand by for hilarious reporting from the New York Daily News…

Whittemore, tore through the box-office and lobby of the historic Ed Sullivan Theater, shattering the front doors and upending trash cans, a source close to the investigation said.

Whittemore, of Harlem, apparently used only his feet to kick in the doors, police sources said.

I know that it’s a shame to do something like that to a historic old theater, but man… that sounds like a blast. When I was 22, one of my favorite things to do in the world was get drunk and break things. Game respect game.

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Bill Hader of “Saturday Night Live” was a guest on “The Late Show” this week, and he talked with David Letterman about the genesis of his wildly popular Stefon character on Weekend Update. Apparently, Stefon was developed by Hader and”SNL” writer John Mulaney (whose stand-up is great if you ever get the chance to watch him) — the crazy assets of “New York’s hottest clubs” comes from a promoter that Mulaney knew, while Stefon’s nervous mannerisms are those of a barista that served Hader.

And for anyone who’s curious as to why Hader can never make it through a sketch as Stefon without laughing, it’s because everyone on the set is conspiring against him: Seth Meyers, the cue card guy, even Mulaney — who changes jokes at the last second to catch Hader off guard. It’s all very endearing and makes me like the character even more, which means that this will all be ruined by a Stefon movie in 2012.

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Betty White turned 89 this week, and she celebrated by appearing on Letterman and admitting that one of her hobbies was “vodka.” That’s when Dave busted out the bottle of Grey Goose and poured a couple glasses. I can’t say I approve of the choice of vodka (if you must drink such a boring spirit, at least make it Russian Standard), but I have to credit Letterman for making sure the label was turned away from the camera.

In the grand tradition of drinking on television, this doesn’t measure up to Joel McHale swigging Macallan and making fun of Kathie Lee and Hoda on “The Today Show,” but I definitely award Betty bonus points for still being cool at her age. Hell, she gets bonus points just for being alive at this point.

VIDEO:

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In my long and extensive study of dog videos on the Internet, one of my all-time favorites will always be Mambo Dog (who is actually Merengue Dog, but “mambo” sounds better), who I first showcased here last fall before a different video of her circulated this summer. Well, Sofia Vergara went on Letterman last night, and besides being radiant and charming and sexy as hell, she also happens to go way back with Mambo Dog. Here’s the relevant exchange (starts around the 1:35 mark):

Dave: You also, a couple years ago, appeared on a television show with the dog from Chile.
Sofia: The dog that you had here! Yeah, I know. It’s like, now they’re making it such a big deal. That dog has been dancing for like ten years. I’ve been on many TV shows with him. He’s a regular.
Dave: Well, you know, that’s what they say about an “overnight sensation.” The dog’s been working for a decade.
Sofia: Yeah, that happened to me, too.

Oh man. Not fair. She’s a beautiful, rich, funny Latina goddess AND she knows Mambo Dog? I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t be with her.

Below: the YouTube clip of the TV show that Letterman mentioned, as well as Mambo Dog’s appearance on “The Late Show.” Also, Mambo Dog has a Facebook page. Friend request: SENT!

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Now that Joaquin Phoenix is done with his bearded rapping ruse for the faux docu-turd I’m Still Here, he returned to Letterman for the first time since Awkwardgate (watch that interview here).

In the video below, Letterman wrestles an apology from Phoenix for being such a d-ckhead during his February ’09 appearance, but not before Phoenix explains his fascination with reality television and his desire to make a statement about celebrity and our willingness to accept reality TV as “real,” blah blah blah. It’s pretty good, especially because Letterman never pulls any punches. If you were ever interested in Phoenix’s stunt, then this is worth your time. If not, move along. I’ll have something about cute kitties in another hour or so.

UPDATE: Official video from CBS is up, so it won’t be taken down again.

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