Bristol Palin, the bastard-breeding daughter of Alaska governor Sarah (perhaps you’ve heard of her?), is now making the talk show rounds to promote teenage abstinence.  And as ridiculous and counterintuitive as that sounds, this clip just makes me feel sorry for her.  She clearly isn’t prepared to answer the most obvious of questions, and I doubt it was really her idea to become an advocate for something she didn’t practice.  **eyes governor’s mansion suspiciously**

But don’t worry, Bristol, Elisabeth Hasselbeck from “The View” has your back:

“I think she’s the perfect choice [for abstinence advocacy]. She has a tangible, living example of what this new responsibility is in her life. I believe that there is a sort of sadistic giddiness on the part of some true radical leftists, who are laughing behind-the-scenes about Bristol Palin’s situation.

“Why are they so obsessed with her being a spokesperson for this? She’s promoting a great thing — abstinence. Find me something else that works 100 percent of the time.”

I know that everyone else knows that Elisabeth is completely insane, but I still feel the need to point out that NO ONE IS SAYING ABSTINENCE IS WRONG.  The issue here is the hypocritical refusal of pragmatism.  Hell, even I’m in favor of teenage abstinence.  Unless a girl has a fake I.D., or she wants to have a couple of wine coolers up at my place.

If for nothing else, the Osbournes should be despised for being largely responsible for the “fading celebrity rekindling flame of attention” brand of reality programming that gets crammed down our eye sockets.  But the reality TV stars are returning to TV in a new FOX show called “The Osbournes: Reloaded.”  It’s a clever metaphor for how they make me want to put a gun in my mouth.

Check out all the hilarious hijinks of the variety show below.  Jack and Kelly work at a fast-food drive-through!  The Osbournes meet other Osbournes!  Kids pretend to be Ozzy and Sharon!  A guy makes out with an old lady!  Wait, hold on a second.  Grandma? I thought I recognized her.  So good to see her getting out of the brothel.

Read the rest of this entry »