There have been thousands of people to appear on reality shows (although, oddly, I don’t know anyone who has), so it’s understandable that at least a few of them are going to be crazy. The nine individuals and one band listed below (none of whom were famous before appearing on a reality show, otherwise Anna Nicole Smith would have this thing WON) are not only insane, but their lives have been in disastrous disarray since appearing on TV.

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The Real World Las Vegas (MTV) — Season premiere. The show returns to Vegas for the first time since 2002, which is more or less when MTV stopped casting people with talent and ambition, and instead just gave a bunch of alcohol to attractive, volatile people. (Side note: Complex made  a list of the 25 hottest women from “The Real World,” but you shouldn’t trust it because it has Rachel Campos from L.A. on it, but no Julie from the first season. CRIMINAL.)

Justified (FX) — I thought last week’s episode was weak, but at least it laid the framework for what looks Boyd Crowder’s return to the wrong side of the law tonight.

Charlie Sheen’s Winningest Moments (Spike) — Ahhh, well played, Spike TV. What’s more of a winning moment: holding a knife to his wife’s throat, or shooting his fiancée?

American Idol (Fox) — Stop watching this show, America. I beg you. Go ahead and watch all the CBS crime procedurals and MTV reality shows and TLC freaks you want, but please: stop indulging this bloated karaoke competition. I just want it to go away.

Hoarding: Buried Alive (TLC) — TLC, obviously angry at the success of A&E’s “Hoarders,” makes a move at getting in on the freaky “Hoarders” action.

GTL: Gym, Tanning, LaunBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

MTV released the extended trailer for Season 3 of “Jersey Shore,” and people, IT. HAS. EVERYTHING. A sampling:

• Arguing
• Snooki falling down in the sand
• Ronnie apparently getting a colonoscopy
• The grenade whistle (pictured above)
• Girls punching girls, girls punching boys
• Minibikes

All that said, my favorite part of this clip is new cast member Deena, a tiny little fake-Snooki wannabe-meatball. In the two-minute trailer, we find out two important facts about this treasure: 1) She got butt-naked in front of The Situation on the first day, and; 2) She has the greatest arguing strategy this side of an Ivy League debate team. Seriously, the next time I’m in an argument, I’m just yelling, “First of all! Second of all! BITCH!” over and over.  It’s genius.

P.S. Remember when you weren’t allowed to fight on MTV’s reality shows?  Like the time on “Real World: Seattle” when Stephen slapped Irene and people lost their damn minds?  Or the time on “Real World: Las Vegas” when sexy firecracker go-go dancer Brynn threw a fork at Steven and everyone treated it like the Pearl Harbor of cutlery attacks?  Oh, the 90s.  The infancy of reality TV, when we were actually concerned about the safety of the contestants.  How quaint.  Now MTV gleefully cuts together a trailer of self-described “guidos” beating each other about the head for two minutes with no repercussions.

We’re seriously like six months from a show called “Stripper Knife Fight House.”  I, for one, can’t wait.

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For whatever reason, this video of Isaac “apologizing” to Shauvon on “The Real World: Sydney” has existed without my knowledge for three years. It is the least sincere and most passive-aggressive apology in world history, and Isaac pulls it off like a boss. For those of you without the wonder of video at your cubicles, here is the entirety of the conversation:

Isaac: Shauvon, I apologize for calling you a slut. I shouldn’t have done that. I was a little angry, because it’s a very disrespectful thing to pour water on someone like that, and I was pissed. And I didn’t mean that you’re a slut like that. When I get up and start yelling at a girl like that, that’s one of the first words that comes out, you know, slut. “You’re a whore, a c*nt, twat…”
Shauvon: *cries*
Isaac: There’s a bunch of other words you can say to a girl to make her pissed off. I just wanted to apologize because I called you a slut. So you can apologize for pouring water on me whenever you want.
Shauvon: [tearfully] I’m sorry. I’m sorry–
Isaac: Apology accepted. This was a good talk.

And they say chivalry is dead. What a gentleman. He apologized to Shauvon even though she’s totally a slut.

[BuzzFeed]

Tosh.0 (Comedy Central) — The closest thing left to “appointment viewing television” this summer (until “Mad Men” begins), Mr. Tosh gives the bi-polar and schizophrenic, “Looking for a Girlfriend Guy” a Web Redemption.   This young stud’s video overture kicks off with detailed information about his contact lenses, with a seamless transition into talking about his d*ck.  So what’s the problem?

Toddlers and Tiaras (TLC) — Appointment viewing television for pedophiles and psychotic mothers.

Mythbusters (Discovery) — Ugh, more duct-tape myths.  Mythbuster Kari Byron could probably pass for Christina Hendricks’ uglier, fatter sister.  Wait, she was just pregnant?  Well maybe not her fatter sister then. 

Man v. Food (Travel) — Host Adam Richman stops for Sushi in exotic…….. Salt Lake City, Utah.  Meh, give me “Man vs. Wild” any day.

Billy the Exterminator (A&E) — This show’s tagline should read, “Making ‘Dog the Bounty Hunter’ Appear Regal.”

Justin Bieber: My World (E!) — “Justin Bieber’s life and career are the focus.”  This has to be an hour long?  I mean how dare they take away precious airtime from “Kourtney and Khloe Derp Miami.”

Germany vs. Spain (Replay) (ESPN2) — I really think the Germans could have pulled out a win if they wore their throw-back uniforms.  You know, black shorts, khaki shirt, red arm band….

The Real World (MTV) — Apparently, one of the cast members ends up in hospital in this, the second episode of the 24th Season—so they seem to be right on track.  Pedro must be spinning in his grave.  This show needs more C.H.U.D’s!