I wish I slept in a race car bed...

It’s nearly impossible to write something about “The Simpsons,” whether it be a list or a think piece, that hasn’t already been said. On Sunday, the long-running series celebrates its 500th episode, the first sitcom to ever hit that milestone. And with a half-thousand episodes comes 99.5 million Google search results for “the simpsons.”

So, instead of writing “10 Reasons Why Everything’s Come Up Milhouse” (#7. He was originally designed for a Butterfinger commercial, and Butterfingers are awesome) or “15 Great Post-Golden Era Episodes,” I’d rather just celebrate the funniest show of all-time. So: this is a gallery of the Best Simpsons GIFs. While not every scene has been immortalized in GIF-form (how has no one made “Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down” yet?), some Internet folk have uploaded thousands of images online. I don’t say this lightly, but they’re the greatest American heroes.

Please feel free to share your favorite moments in the comments. For the sake of stating personal preferences, my five favorite episodes are: 5) “Lemon of Troy; 4) “Marge vs. the Monorail”; 3) “You Only Move Twice”; 2) “Last Exit to Springfield”; and 1) “A Milhouse Divided.” That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

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In honor of “The Simpsons” upcoming 500th episode, two of the shows fans sat down to try to break the Guinness World Record for most consecutive hours of television watched. Good news: They did it! Bad news: I imagine they smell terrible.

Jeremiah Franco from Los Angeles, Cali, and Carin Shreve from Acampo, Cali, watched 86 hours and 37 minutes of The Simpsons to break the record at a special event hosted by Fox in Los Angeles that began Feb. 8. Along with bragging rights, the duo took home $10,500 each and a whole lot of Simpsons swag. [TV Guide]

I like “The Simpsons” as much as any American male in his mid-to-late 20s, but HOLY LORD this sounds terrible. Eighty-six straight hours? Sheesh. I’m no math whiz, but if my calculations are correct [pulls out abacus], at 22 minutes per episode, this works out to [carries the one], like, a frillionty episodes. I may have rounded up a little.

I suppose this is where I’m supposed to make a topical reference to the show, but my brain is mush today and I can’t think of one, so I’m just going to post this 10 minute loop of the “Dental plan! Lisa needs braces!” clip. Someone should try to watch this for 86 consecutive hours. That would be impressive. And by “impressive,” I mean “a horrifying form of torture I wouldn’t wish on anyone except maybe that greaseball diner manager Jeff from ‘Saved by the Bell.’” I hate that guy.

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To thwart the sinful, moral-corroding, cousins-marrying influence of the Western world (that’s us!), Iran has banned the sale of “Simpsons” dolls within its borders. Now Iranian children and Jon Lovitz fans will have to travel all the way to Turkmenistan to get their talking Artie Ziff action figure. According to Reuters:

“The Simpsons dolls are merchandise from an animated series, of which some episodes are even banned in Europe and America,” Mohammad Hossein Farjoo, whose agency oversees what Iranian children can play with, told the Sharq newspaper.

“We do not want to promote this cartoon by importing the toys,” added Farjoo, whose full title is Secretary for Policy-making at the Institute for the Intellectual Development of Children and Young Adults in Tehran.

Executive producer Al Jean responded to news of the ban by saying, “This means war!” which is a terrifying sentiment when you think about it. Considering Iran’s only getting around to banning “Simpsons” toys in 2012, some 20 years after people here stopped caring about the nationwide-threat that was Bart saying, “Eat my shorts,” just think how pissed they’re going to be in 2020, when “Family Guy” becomes all the rage.

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In today’s feature, we’ve got GIFs from last night’s game (including the middle finger seen ‘round the world), as well as selections from “Archer,” “The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret,” “Parks and Recreation,” and even something from “Community.” That’s right, if you needed a new movable Alison Brie image, we’ve got you covered. Also Madonna doing a dance that looks a lot like one from a favorite show of ours…

World peace and GIFs, or GTFO.

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More “Simpsons” football goodness below.

UPROXX “Archer” Open Thread: “The Limited” With Executive Producer Matt Thompson — Matt dished out a ton of behind-the-scenes info, including how long it takes to animate an episode and about the time he and Adam Reed went to the Times Square Howard Johnson’s. He also makes fun of Twilight. I like him. (Uproxx)

Here’s the Best F-You Letter Written By a Slave To His Former Master You’ll Ever Read — There’s just something so refreshing about an old-fashioned “fu*k you” letter. Don’t make ‘em like they used to. (Uproxx)

30 Funny, Catty, and Bitter Twitter Reactions To DC’s “Before Watchmen” Announcement — I think Baby Watchmen has officially become the most popular post-Golden Era “Simpsons” reference. (Gamma Squad)

Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes — Remember a few days ago when I asked which celebrity couple make no sense? Well, Nacho and Kim Kardashian makes PERFECT sense. Let their babies be attractive and useless. (With Leather)

Remember When Michael Shannon Was In Groundhog Day? Hint: He Loved Wrestlemania — I don’t, but I do remember Kangaroo Jack, which he played the villain in. That’s what “Boardwalk Empire” needs: more marsupials. (Film Drunk)

First Look: NBA All-Star 2012 Jerseys — Good to know that the West will be playing for China during the All-Star Game. Go communism! (Smoking Section)

26 Meanest Quotes From Reviews of Lana Del Rey’s New Album — TL;DR She’s a robot who runs on Diet Mountain Dew. (Buzzfeed)

The Best Football Fan Raps — The video of a Packers fan singing “Packarena,” a parody of “Macarena,” from EARLIER THIS YEAR is the single most depressing thing I’ve ever seen, and I watched the Miami Dolphins’ 1990 squad rap “Can’t Touch Us” right beforehand. It’s funny ’cause they lost. (Adult Swim)

Kristin Bell Offers an Explanation For Her Sloth Meltdown — I hope sloths become the new cats. Those guys have hogged the spotlight for far too long. (The FW)

7 Most Embarrassing “I’m Going to Disney World” Super Bowl Ads — Walt’s wondering from beyond the icebox where all the Jews are? I mean, Jews…at Disney World?! Now that’s embarrassing! (Screen Junkies)

20 Movie Posters that Have Been Banned Somewhere for Being Too Profane, Gruesome, Provocative, or Offensive — OH GOD, IT’S HIDEOUS /looks at poster for Sex and the City 2. (Pajiba)

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