Yesterday, Matt touched on some of the more infuriating details from a recent interview Snooki did with GQ. The whole thing made him blind with rage, justifiably, so he may have missed one interesting little tidbit: Snooki says Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is broke:

GQ: So what do you spend your money on?

Snooki: I save it. Jersey Shore is going to end soon. I’m not going to spend money like Mike [The Situation]. He’s already broke!

Now, look, this could certainly be true. We’ve seen people go broke on far more money than The Situation has raked in (*coughHammercough*). And The Situation has never struck me as guy who has a rock solid investment scheme and long-term view on his finances. But, as always, it’s a good idea to take a step back and look at your source when you see a quote like this. I mean, I’m not saying you should question the accuracy of financial statements made by a woman whose biggest claim to fame is getting dumptrucked on umbrella drinks at trashy boardwalk clubs and accidentally displaying her vagina to strangers, but… …

No, that is what I’m saying. You should definitely do that. As an ironclad personal policy, preferably.

I bet you thought I was joking yesterday when I said I was going to continue covering the Abercrombie/Situation Douchegate story like it was the Cuban Missile Crisis. To be honest, I kinda was. Then — THEN — I woke up this morning, fired up the old LOLbox and saw that the Taiwanese animation people had made a video about it. AND. IT. IS. GLORIOUS. For the love of God, it starts with The Situation and some girl emptying a giant salt shaker onto the torso of what appears to be a dead stripper. And near the end, for reasons I don’t understand whatsoever, there’s a hostage situation. It’s got everything.

Perhaps my favorite moment of the clip, though, is the depiction of Abercrombie & Fitch settling a lawsuit with its employees. I’ve posted a screencap below for you perusal. If I ever end up using my law degree, I seriously hope I get to settle at least one lawsuit by having a giant check with “SETTLEMENT” stamped across the front handed to me by opposing counsel inside a warehouse with a judge overseeing it. It’s been a dream of mine for years.

via TV Tattle

Bros. BROS. The battle between Abercrombie and MTV is getting SERIOUS, son. Yesterday Abercrombie was like “Yo The Situation, quit wearing our clothes or whatever and we’ll give you straight-up CASH MONEY because you’re a tool and we don’t want our name on your drawers, bro” and then I read that and was all “LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL it’s funny because he GOT SERVED, you guys.” But then some lady at MTV saw what was happening and was like “Whoawhoawhoa do not make fun of our famous people, for REAL.”

“Oh, Abercrombie, what kind of snowball hath y’all set in motion? We hate to add to the avalanche of publicity that A&F is currently eating up at the expense of our innocent reality TV icons (who declined to comment because they were too busy getting more famous) — mostly because that was the whole point of this shenanigan, wasn’t it? — but we’re all family here at MTV, and no one messes with our “Situation.” There are plenty of neon sweatpants in the sea of franchised fashion, so we encourage him to take the money. And donate it all to Ed Hardy.”

OH SNAP SON. OH SNAP SON. YOU GOT ROASTED SON. This is totally like that time in that one movie with Matt Damon that wasn’t the Bourne movies but those movies are awesome because he WRECKS PEOPLE IN THE FACE WITH GUNS where Matt Damon was hitting on some chick and this smart guy was like “I am very smart” and Matt Damon was all “Oh yeah well I am smarter and also I will fight you, bro” and then Matt Damon got the girl’s number and found the smart guy and smashed the phone number against the glass and was like “HEY BRO DO YOU LIKE APPLES? ME TOO” or something like that. LOL AT NERDS. BOOM ROASTED.

I love that movie.

BREAKING AWESOME AND HILARIOUS NEWS: Noted douche clothier Abercrombie & Fitch is offering to pay the cast members of “Jersey Shore,” specifically The Situation, to stop wearing their clothes. Lay it on me, Wall Street Journal:

The New Albany, Ohio company released a statement Tuesday evening titled “A Win-Win Situation,” in which it stated a “deep concern” over the association between Mr. Sorrentino and the brand. A&F offered up a “substantial payment” to Mr. Sorrentino “to wear an alternate brand.”

“We understand that the show is for entertainment purposes, but believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans,” the statement read.

The company also extended the pay-to-not-play offer to the other Jersey Shore reality stars and said it was “urgently waiting a response.”

Unlike my alter ego Danger GuerrerBro, I’m no fan of Abercrombie & Fitch. If I’m spending $100 for a tattered and faded hoodie, it better have been worn by a former cast member of “The O.C.” and/or have a handful of $20′s stuffed into the pouch. But this? This is fine by me. I’ll support almost anything done in the name of LOLs and sticking it to the jamooks on “Jersey Shore.” Also, the WSJ story features this explanation of The Situation, which is so Wall Street Journaly that it’s practically satire:

Mr. Sorrentino, one of the most popular characters on the show, is known for lifting up his shirt off to reveal his abdomen muscles, more often flashing the logo on the waistband of his underwear.

OO, OO! DO SNOOKI NEXT! In summation, Abercrombie done good and the Wall Street Journal should do more stories about “Jersey Shore” cast members.

Thanks to Burnsy for the tip.

Actual quote: "JWoww and her boobies are going to Italy."

Below is the trailer for the Season 4 of “Jersey Shore,” AKA The Season in Italy, AKA The Season Someone Finally Told Snooki “Stop Acting Like a F**cking Assh*le.” The trailer promises the “Shore” standards of drunken make-out sessions and inter-Guido violence, with the added comedic element of morons in a foreign country (Vinny, naturally, is the only one who knows what a bidet is). Every time I think I’m out, this show pulls me back in. Like a moth to flame, where the moth is my gaze and the flame is JWoww’s boobs and The Situation getting punched.

Also, this:

Read the rest of this entry »