Last week, I wrote about how Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino would film a pilot for a possible “Jersey Shore” spin-off. Well, there might be a reason MTV hasn’t fully committed to the show beyond a development deal:

“It could be one of two things,” Kevin Lee, executive producer of “The Simple Life” and several MTV reality shows, [said]. “Development execs at MTV could really like Sorrentino as a talent, but they haven’t found the right project for him—or, they could be just throwing him a bone.”

A second MTV source tells FOX411.com that development deals like Sorrentino’s typically “go nowhere” and there’s a “99.9 percent chance” that that his pilot won’t get picked up. ”Often times, execs will offer a development deal just to appease the talent,” adds the source. “It’s possible that Sorrentino was hounding MTV to get his own show, and they gave him a development deal just to shut him up.”

In even BETTER news, The Situation’s dad sat down and talked to TMZ about how crappy his son is (FATHER OF THE YEAR!). Specifically, he claims that he got his son an easy summer job — one that Mike lost when he got caught getting a blowjob from a 40-year-old “cougar” co-worker. The Situation, his father alleges, said that the woman sexually harassed him.

Don’t you guys just hate that? Female co-workers always just treat us men like pieces of meat, acting like we’re nothing but a bunch of penises to be sucked off to orgasm. That’s why I quit my office job. Too many women pulling my pants down and forcibly giving me blowjobs against my wishes.

MTV has yet to air a single episode of the spin-offs for Pauly D or JWoww and Snooki (I feel ashamed to know these names so well), but that hasn’t stopped the network from moving forward with another “Jersey Shore” spin-off: Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino will film a pilot presentation for a possible series later this year.

MTV exec Chris Linn told THR in an interview the same day the pickups were announced, that the spinoffs will not dilute the franchise. “I think it allows us to expand out from the base of Jersey Shore without taking away from what Jersey Shore is. They would continue to be involved in any potential future cycles of Jersey Shore,” Linn reassured at the time. [THR]

Ah, what a sincere and valuable promise. “Don’t worry, America. I, a television executive, can personally assure you that the sanctity of a reality show about morons getting drunk will remain intact.” Why, I can barely read Linn’s quote without humming “God Bless the USA.”

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino — last seen bombing at the roast of Donald Trump — has a list of demands for his club appearances that is so ridiculous, you’d almost think he was someone with talent.

“No one can speak to or make eye contact with him directly,” an insider tells the Scene Queens of the rider. “And ‘the Situation’ must always be marked as trademarked.” The Situation also requires that he be greeted at the airport, hotel and venue, and be accompanied by security at all times. Plus, no Jersey Shore rider would be complete without booze and babes. For his recent appearance at 4sixty6 club in New Jersey, the Sitch required six bottles of Devotion vodka, 24 cans of Red Bull, two bottles of high-end champagne and first-class security to keep out “grenades.” [L&S]

Booze and security? Sure, I can understand that. And it’s perfectly reasonable for someone of moderate fame to be met at the airport. But no eye contact? “People! People! Don’t try to act like The Situation™’s equal! He has a very flat stomach!”

If you missed the roast of Donald Trump last night, then you missed the worst bombing since Baghdad in 2003. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino not only failed to get himself a decent joke writer, his performance devolved into him bragging about wealth and dating hot women, apparently unaware that the roast’s target accomplished those things at a much higher level. The boos from the audience got so bad that Jeff Ross had to go to the podium to bail him out.

You can watch the video of The Situation below — I highly recommend it; it’s like watching a train wreck in slow-motion — but first, I wanted to share a few of my favorite jokes from people who didn’t suck:

• Lisa Lampanelli on The Situation: “I tried ordering your book on amazon.com. Amazon said customers who bought this book also bought a rope and a stool.”
• Anthony Jeselnik to the Situation: “Sitch, I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, man, but if you spent half as much time reading books as you do chasing skanks, you probably wouldn’t have AIDS.”
• Marlee Matlin: “I guess I am the perfect choice for this roast, because like The Situation, I too have never heard the sound of laughter.”
• Jeselnik: “Jeff Ross has been roasting people since Whitney Cummings was nothing but a glint in the eye of the man that raped her mother.”

That was the best joke of the night, in my opinion. But you know me: I’ve always had a soft spot for rape.

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Whether you’re a fan of the smash-hit series Jersey Shore or not, it never hurts to get some insight as to what these “juice-head muscle gorillas” are making per episode — but a stern warning must be issued: the amount of money they are making to publicly humiliate themselves is astoundingly much more than what you or I make in a given year.

Love it or hate it, these fist-pumping professionals know how to entertain, and with that comes their ever-inflated ego. I’m willing to bet that “The Situation” will have a situation due to severe head trauma if his ego inflates any more.

Let’s take a look at the numbers behind Jersey Shore in this infographic developed by Online Schools (full-size image here).

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