Good news and bad news everybody.  Good news first – get my hopes up, Hollywood Reporter:

“The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” is pulling a smaller number in the advertiser-coveted adults 18-49 demographic than when Conan O’Brien hosted the show last year.

In fact, this summer is the lowest-rated “Tonight” on record, though such feats have become increasingly common on broadcast across the board.

Oh, thank God.  America is finally coming to its senses.  I hate this asshat so much.  Hey have you heard about this?  Did you hear about this?  YOU’RE RUINING A PRECIOUS TELEVISION INSTITUTION AND GETTING WHAT YOU DESERVE YOU UNFUNNY, BACKSTABBING PISSPANTS.  HAHAHA.

Oh, wait.  I said there was bad news, too.  Well, after reading that Leno is having the worst summer in the history of “The Tonight Show,” the news would have to be pretty damn bad to bring me down.  You know, something crazy.  Like, despite these horrible ratings, he’s still beating Letterman or something. (*chuckles to self at the hilarity of the mere idea*)

Even with the reduced rating, Leno is back to beating his top rival, CBS’ “Late Show With David Letterman,” by a healthy 22% in both metrics. (Ed. – total audience and 18-49 demo)

(*bangs head on wall for 45 minutes*)

Guh.  Look, I love America.  But this is the problem with democracy and a society based around freedom… even dipsh-ts get a say in things.   I’m not saying I’m fully advocating for a revolution where we install a single, tyrannical leader, but if this hypothetical tyrant was Team Coco, I’d at least go to one of his speeches.

Seriously, though.  This is depressing, and I need some cheering up.  Let’s see what I can do about that.  Read the rest of this entry »

Jay Leno, who was overshadowed by Barack Obama’s humor and charisma at Saturday night’s White House Correspondents Dinner, used jokes he’d told earlier this spring on “The Tonight Show” for the black-tie affair. Seriously: he was the keynote speaker at a party hosted by the president of the United States, and he couldn’t be troubled to write new jokes. An example:

— From “The Tonight Show” (March 16): “If you took all the money the Republicans have spent trying to stop health care, and all the money Democrats have spent trying to get health care, we could afford health care, you know that?”

— From Saturday’s routine: “If you took all the money Republicans spent trying to stop health care, and all the money Democrats have spent trying to get health care, you know somethin’? We could have had health care!”

The full extent of his laziness is over at Politico and also in the video below. Seriously, this is shamefully lazy. I’m writing this in my bed, wearing nothing but underwear, 10 minutes behind the deadline I set for myself, and I’m STILL impressed by how lazy Jay Leno is. I’m surprised he wore pants to the dinner.

Read the rest of this entry »

As someone who dicks around in Photoshop for a couple hours every day, it’s a relief to see other people wasting their time in that program to get a couple of cheap laughs. This Facebook page features the Top 25 creations of “Cocoshopped 2.0″ (previous editions here and here). In case you’re one of those people who doesn’t have all day to browse the Internet, I’ve put the best of the best below. And damn, the Sistine Chapel one above is terrific; I love the inclusion of La Bamba, Andy Richter, Max Weinberg, and — most of all — the Tom Cruise wax figure. That smile from the Uncanny Valley haunts my dreams.

Jay Leno sat down with Joy Behar yesterday, where the denim-clad working man’s comedian with hundreds of millions of dollars claimed that both he and Conan O’Brien “got screwed.” There’s video of the exchange here, but these quotes are the highlights:

“Conan got screwed, and I got screwed,” Leno said. ”It worked out OK. I don’t quite get why I get beat up over it. I know people don’t really understand sort of how this business works. It’s all numbers. You know, the affiliates wanted us back, so we came back.”

Damn those mean ol’ affiliates! Why, Jay would never do anything to egg those affiliates on by saying publicly that he wanted “The Tonight Show” back as early as last November.

“I think Conan will come back, and he’ll be strong and, you know, we’ll all compete against one another. It should be me against [David] Letterman, against Conan, against [Jimmy] Kimmel, and then you see who wins,” he said.

And that’s Leno for you. Not “…then you see who makes people laugh.” Not “…then you see who’s funniest.” Who wins. There isn’t a stand-up comic on the planet who cares less about being funny than Jay Leno. And it shows.

Ever since I covered “cellulite” “has-been” Jennifer Lopez on SNL, I’ve been hesitant to write about Hulu’s user-generated tags, because it’s really just a variant of the ongoing hate affair between Internet users and Jay Leno — and we all know I already do plenty of that here.

But I have to give credit where it’s due. So, to whichever Hulu user tagged “The Marriage Ref” with “worse than kitten snuff”: I salute you, sir. While I didn’t hate the most recent episode with Larry David and Ricky Gervais, I can understand the vitriol. And while tagging the show with hitler, worse than aids, and rapist is commendably hateful, it’s not necessarily newsworthy. No, it takes comparing a TV show to people getting off while watching kittens being murdered to make a headline around here. Nothing but the hottest industry news at Warming Glow!

[via BuzzFeed. Marriage Ref Hulu page. Leno Hulu page.]