"I'm out."

I’ve got nothing against Broadway or musical theater, but I’m just not the right audience for the Tony Awards, which aired last night while I was tuned into “Game of Thrones” and the deciding game of the NBA Finals. But my flamboyant internet friends tell me that Neil Patrick Harris once again did an excellent job as host, and I wanted to post a couple of videos from the show to acknowledge his talent and charm. The Tonys may have a niche audience, but other awards shows could take some cues on how to conduct a live show. (Step 1: MORE GAYS!)

“Good evening, I’m teen heartthrob Neil Patrick Harris.”

Ah, I do enjoy a good “top/bottom” innuendo.

Neil Patrick Harris closes the show with some slam poetry that was written during the show by Lin-Manuel Miranda and Tommy Kail. NPH is the best gay rapper since Eazy-E. What? Not gay? Oh, sorry. I just assumed, because, you know… never mind.

(via Vulture)

Nearly two years ago, Bret Michaels performed at the Tony Awards, an event that was notable only because it concluded with Michaels getting knocked down by a descending set piece. And now, a mere 21 months later, Michaels is suing the Tonys. Hey, his nose was totally scraped!

The Poison frontman’s lawsuit claims he continues to deal with effects from the injury and brain bleeding that left him hospitalized last year.

He claims show organizers never explained that the set would be changing after the band performed, “Nothin’ But a Good Time.” He also claims the show could have prevented the incident from airing, but chose not to.

“The Tony Awards dropped a piece of the stage on Bret’s head, and then instead of doing the right thing, joked about it and played it off for ratings,” Michaels’ attorney Alex Weingarten wrote in a statement. [Yahoo/AP]

In CBS’s defense, it was pretty damn hilarious the way Michaels’s stupid cowboy hat went flying off. Let’s watch it again, shall we?

Man, that never gets old. My favorite part is when he gets hit and falls down.

The Tony Awards dropped in the ratings since last year, with the top reasons being “Neil Patrick Harris not hosting” and “Woman, the NBA Finals are on!”

Sunday night’s 64th Annual Tony Awards on CBS sank in the ratings, breaking a streak of major awards presentations improving on broadcast this year. The Tony’s drew 7 million viewers and a slender 1.2 preliminary rating among adults 18-49, down 8% from last year. Still, that’s not as weak as 2008, which managed to draw a 1.1 rating.

The telecast ran against ABC’s presentation of Game 5 of the NBA Finals, which was up 36% this year. The LA Lakers at Boston Celtics match drew a 12.8 overnight household rating — the highest of the series so far and marking the top-rated NBA Finals Game 5 since 2004. [THR]

Also siphoning viewers from the Tonys were the season premiere of “True Blood,” the season finale of “Breaking Bad,” and widespread heterosexuality.

Below, I’ve got a couple clips of Kristen Chenoweth with host Sean Hayes, the first of which was a makeout session directed at the Newsweek editorial that claimed Hayes couldn’t play a straight man. I think the evidence is inconclusive. This experiment needs a control group. That’s why I’m volunteering to be filmed making out with Kristen Chenoweth. Strictly for scientific purposes, of course. My boner will get to the bottom of this!

It was just four days ago that we lived and re-lived and re-lived some more the majesty of watching “Rock of Love” star Bret Michaels get dropped by a descending set piece at the Tony Awards.  Since then, someone involved with the Tonys released a statement saying that Michaels “missed his mark,” leading Michaels’s publicist to fire back that Michaels had never been informed that there would be marauding backdrops targeting his face.  Pretty dull stuff, so I didn’t cover it.

Now Michaels has posted these pictures on his MySpace page, and my first reaction to these images was “Wow, I had no idea that someone besides teenagers and pedophiles used MySpace.”  Unless… Bret Michaels is a pedophile???? Nah, those girls are too young to have breast implants.  And tattoos.  And herpes.

After the jump, I’ve got newer and better and closer-upper video of Bret Michaels getting guillotined by the descending backdrop at last night’s Tony Awards.  But before you go watching it for the 35th time, ponder this: the way that Stockard Channing goes straight into her song with gusto at the end of the clip totally makes her a real-life Keyboard Cat.

Now that I’ve drawn the parallel, I can’t think about anything else.  I want the YouTube video to be called “Sing Him Off, Stockard.”  And I like to pretend that there’s a quick cut of her standing and waiting while Poison performs, arms posed and ready and to sing.  Of course, if someone just re-edited this to include regular old Keyboard Cat, I’d be fine with that, too.  The important thing to remember is that Bret Michaels got hit in the face by moving scenery.  WHERE’S YOUR COWBOY HAT NOW????

If you didn’t watch last night’s Tony Awards, you missed out on the greatest Tony Awards ever.  Granted, I only watched about 15 seconds of it, but I’ve watched those 15 seconds about eight times now.  Bret Michaels from “Rock of Love” (and, okay, Poison) performed live with the cast of Rock of Ages at the Tonys, and the end of “Nothin’ But a Good Time” was marred made awesome when a descending set piece damn near took off his head.

He was knocked to the ground, and while the extent of his injury was not known, he did not break his nose, despite wide speculation that he had. A publicist later told PEOPLE that Michaels was hoping to hit some after-parties but was “getting X-rays.” Calling him “a trooper,” she added that Michaels “had a blast performing.”

Doctors were impressed Michaels survived, calling the set “as dangerous as sex with the girls from ‘Rock of Love II’.”

Neil Patrick Harris will host the Tonys this year, which will air June 7th on CBS.  And seeing as how he singlehandedly raises “How I Met Your Mother” from “watchable” to “really pretty funny despite the tool who plays the lead,” I would be inclined to watch the awards ceremony.  If, you know, it weren’t about Broadway.

In a statement Harris said, “The discipline of live theatre – doing the same perfect thing night after night, eight times a week – never ceases to amaze me. I’m truly honored to have been chosen as the Master of Ceremonies for this year’s Tony Awards, and I hope to help provide a first-class evening for all.” [Playbill]

The real challenge to hosting the Tonys this year will be wresting the title of “Gayest Award Show” away from the Oscars.  And yes, the host is gay, and the awards are going to celebrate Broadway musicals, and at some point Harvey Fierstein will appear… but they’ve still got a ways to go to out-gay what Hugh Jackman did.  I mean, he just would NOT stop singing and dancing.  So, okay, new rule: anyone who wins a Tony has to sing their acceptance speech.  Bonus points for choreography.