After being the first to sign onto Dr. Drew Pinsky’s life-saving cable television show “Celebrity Rehab,” trouble-prone reality TV star slash gossip blog entrepreneur slash musician slash Antz-faced bisexual nightmare Tila Tequila has withdrawn from the program, expected to begin filming later this month.  Her problem: too many slashes.

Tila’s manager refused to comment on the situation, but Radar Online is reporting that producers apparently wanted her out amid rumors that she had self-mutilated herself.  Photos depicting self-inflicted, “disturbing cut marks” described as a combination of cutting and burning were posted on the website back in June.

The decision comes as a blow to Celebrity Rehab, who had failed to drag Lindsay Lohan and Heather Locklear into the fold.  This season Dr. Drew will have to help Justin Bobby, Amy Shrinkle, and some form of Rich Vos cope with their addictions.  Tila will snort a bunch of Ambien, google herself, and Twitter until she falls asleep.

(another example of fair and balanced photo editing)

San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman was jailed briefly this weekend after reality star Tila Tequila made a citizen’s arrest of the All-Pro. Tequila (real name: Tila Nguyen), the supposedly bisexual star of “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila” who rose to pseudo-fame because she posted slutty pictures of herself on MySpace, had Merriman charged with battery and false imprisonment after he allegedly choked her. Merriman denies any violence and claims he was preventing her from driving drunk, while Tequila went on Twitter to claim that she’s allergic to alcohol and Merriman was going through steroid-induced rage.

Blech, this story sucks. Merriman is easily one of the top ten douchebag/a-holes of the NFL, and Tila Tequila is only likable if you’re into midget Vietnamese attention whores with fake cans. Actually, “midget Vietnamese attention whore with fake cans” sounds kinda sexy, but I definitely meant it as an insult. Maybe the judge that works on this case can sentence them both to death, just as a favor to humanity.

(links via With Leather)