Hello, and welcome to a watershed day in television history. TNT has ordered a pilot about a CRIME-SOLVING GOLDEN RETRIEVER. I’ve been waiting for this day my entire life.

The network has ordered a pilot for an adaptation of the Susannah Charleson book “Scent of the Missing,” about her experience with Puzzle, a dog with a strong aptitude for rescue missions. The pilot’s log line says of the show, “An adrenaline junkie leader of a canine search-and-rescue team assists various law enforcement agencies with her best friend and partner, a golden retriever.” [The Wrap]

Finally, a worthy successor to “Poochinski”! And TNT is the absolute PERFECT home for this show. Because 95% of TNT’s programming is cop procedurals, it’s awash in all the tired stereotypes that bore me on most shows but would enthrall me if the show’s about a dog.

HARDBITTEN DETECTIVE interrogates a suspect. PUZZLE paces in the background, pausing occasionally to lick his balls.

HARDBITTEN DETECTIVE: Tell me where McNally is! Trust me, I’m the nice one. My partner ain’t gonna be so gentle.
PUZZLE: *growls*
SUSPECT: Screw you, pig!
HARDBITTEN DETECTIVE: Well, I warned ya. Puzzle! This guy won’t talk.
PUZZLE: *bites SUSPECT in crotch*
SUSPECT: Oh God! I’ll talk, I’ll talk!
HARDBITTEN DETECTIVE: Good boy! *gives PUZZLE treat*

In short, I’ll be devastated if this doesn’t become a long-running series. Here, I’ll get the casting process started:

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TNT announced a little while back that they were getting into the TV movie game, and now they’ve settled on the first installment: “Hide,” a crime drama based on a book by Lisa Gardner, starring Carla Gugino as Boston detective D.D. Warren. From The Hollywood Reporter:

The story will revolve around Warren, who will investigate the mummified remains of six missing women found inside a buried chamber at an abandoned mental hospital. The case will lead Warren to investigate Annabelle, a woman with a secret past and twisted family history.

The telepic is part of the cable network’s new lineup of original movies under its upcoming “TNT Mystery Movie Night” announced at the upfronts in May that will feature six contemporary crime dramas based on true-crime stories and fictional mysteries.

Don’t look now, but between “Rizzoli & Isles,” “The Closer,” reruns of “Bones” and “Cold Case” and some of these new movies (including a second one starring Catherine Bell from “JAG”), TNT is damn near cornering the market on ladycop shows. I mean, USA’s got that one with Piper Perabo as a spy and “In Plain Sight,” but they’re not really “cop” shows. And “In Plain Sight” is shutting it down after this season, anyway. FX has none. AMC had “The Killing,” but let’s keep on pretending that never happened. Hell, even the big networks really can’t keep up with TNT. There’s “Castle” and “Body of Proof” on ABC (but those are stretches because “Castle” is more about, well, Castle, and “Body of Proof” is about a medical examiner, but I called “Bones” a ladycop show, so I’ll allow it), and there are other shows with female cops, but not many others that rise to the level of the ones on TNT.

In summation, I suppose the two most important takeaways of this post would be: 1) Carla Gugino is very attractive. 2) I know an awful lot about ladycop shows.

TNT has renewed the bro-riffic “Franklin & Bash” for a second season, thus ensuring that Warming Glow’s fratty recaps of the show will continue next summer, assuming Danger Guerrero doesn’t get a job in a law office (which, let’s face it, he probably won’t). The show averages 3.9 million viewers and — even more impressively — makes Breckin Meyer significantly less punchable.

“This summer, Franklin & Bash has broken out as a hugely entertaining series with great characters, sharp writing and a terrific cast,” said Michael Wright, executive vice president, head of programming, for TNT, TBS and Turner Classic Movies in a statement. “We’re thrilled that the show has drawn such a remarkably strong following and look forward to bringing it back next summer.”

I hate to agree with something that an entertainment executive said in statement, but I’ve gone from watching “Franklin & Bash” on an ironic whim to adding it to my DVR rotation and genuinely enjoying it. It’s a fun — and funny — hour that goes quickly, and I especially enjoy its complete disregard for any established legal procedure. Lawyers and courts bore the ever-loving sh*t out of me. I’m glad someone finally threw out the idea of realism and substituted it with extra cleavage.

Co-starring Larry the Cable Guy's brother, Barry the Oil Guy

Below is the first trailer for TNT’s continuation of “Dallas,” which won’t air until next summer. The original CBS series, of course, spanned 13 seasons from 1978 to 1991 — and now Patrick Duffy and Larry Hagman will reprise their roles as Bobby and J.R. Ewing in the new series, which “will primarily center around J.R. Ewing’s son John Ross Ewing III, and Bobby Ewing’s adopted son Christopher Ewing.” [Wikipedia]

Christopher and J.R. the 3rd are played, respectively, by a young Carson Daly lookalike and a Jonathan Rhys Meyers impersonator who can’t grow facial hair. In the trailer, there’s some yelling about money and oil, Jordana Brewster doesn’t have pants on, somebody has a shotgun, a girl takes her shirt off, Hagman’s caterpillar-like eyebrows threaten to leave his face and take over the city, someone gets slapped, and more yelling. Basically, it looks like the new “90210″ if Jason Priestly and Luke Perry were teachers at the high school. I will enthusiastically not watch this.

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“Falling Skies” had the strongest cable debut of 2011, and TNT rewarded the show’s performance last week with a renewal order after only three episodes.

The series, starring Noah Wyle, has averaged 6.4 million total viewers in its first three episodes and is attracting strong ratings in overseas territories. The network has ordered 10 episodes for Season 2, which is slated to air in summer 2012. [Deadline]

As I’ve said before, there’s some pretty good action in “Falling Skies” if you can get past the cloyingly sweet family touches that are so obviously shoehorned into the show by Steven Spielberg. That’s what makes the show perfect for DVR: if you see a child onscreen, hit fast-forward and keep fast-forwarding until you don’t see any dumb wiener kids. I’ll rescind this rule of thumb if — and only if — the aliens tear a child’s limbs off or vaporize a kid on a skateboard. C’mon, Spielberg. Do it, you pussy.