Torchwood: Children of Earth (BBC America) — Children get possessed by aliens and start speaking in unison in this five-night miniseries.  I dunno, sounds creepy.  Couldn’t they lighten it up a little bit?  Maybe call it “Children of Mirth”?

The Bachelorette (ABC) — In a lame attempt to build anticipation for the finale, this is a behind-the-scenes episode where Jillian and the eliminated bachelors all talk about what they felt that one time when the guy wanted to have sex with her feet.

Dating in the Dark (ABC) — While my taste and good sense demand that I trash it, I admit: I’m morbidly curious.

4th and Long (Spike) — Season finale.  Your exclusive chance to find out which guy is the guy who gets cut first at the Cowboys training camp later this summer.

The T.O. Show (VH1) — Ugh.  I’m watching it, but only because of my football-blogging commitments.  Watch the season highlights here.  Golly, I hope it all works out for that scrappy underdog.

Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel) — Bourdain’s in Melbourne, Australia, where he once again refuses to shoot up black tar heroin on-camera.  C’mon Tony, just once.  For the old days.

“Torchwood” is a BBC science-fiction series about an agency that deals with extraterrestrials.  I’ve never seen it, but the first two seasons have earned it a dedicated following in the UK, and season three will air on BBC One and BBC America in July as a five-night miniseries called “Torchwood: Children of Earth.”  And judging by the trailer, it appears that aliens are going to take over the world’s children and make them speak in unison.  The Brits are all about children speaking in unison.  We don’t need no education…

But whatever, it sounds cool to me.  The aliens can have our stupid wiener kids.  Whatever it takes to keep the annoying teenagers from loitering around outside my apartment.

[Zap2it]