It’s never the wrong time to highlight a “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ clip. This one’s from the “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” episode, and it’s begging to be made into a Sandusky tribute video.

The Five Most Awesome Games On a Graphing Calculator — God, if Pokémon Stadium had been on my graphing calculator in middle school, I would have failed the sh*t out of math class. Y’know, instead of failing with 64, which I did. (Gamma Squad)

Do The Source Magazine’s 5 Mics Still Matter? — I still don’t think Dr. Dre’s 2001 deserved its Five Mic critical reevaluation (it was originally given 4.5). Only Built 4 Cuban Linx…, though, well, that should gotten a perfect score the first time ’round. (Smoking Section)

Guns, Horses, & Insecurities: Reporting From the Set of True Grit XXX — “From the buttons to the pubic hair, I’m assured that everything is as if we were really boning in the late-1800′s.” (Film Drunk)

Adele’s Official Tour Rider Is Full of Smokey, Boozy, Chocolatey Win — I want to be famous, so I can have a tour rider. I would request only the finest foods and drinks, like a Twix bar minus the chocolate exterior and diet ginger ale, which is surprisingly difficult to find. (Uproxx)

MTV Used FatBooth On The Victoria’s Secret Angels — Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon would have been much more interesting if it had pitted Megatron vs. Fat Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. (Uproxx)

The Shaun White Sex Scandal You’ve Been Waiting For — The “Flying Tomato” is probably the name of a sex move already, so this just fills in the blank. And something else, too. (With Leather)

Ranking Television’s 10 Best Boobs — But not the kind of boobs you’re thinking of. Unless they are, in which case, you’re welcome? I guess. (Pajiba)

Classic Album Covers Come to Life With Google Streetview — A few years ago, I went to the street where the Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan cover was shot and tried to figure out exactly where he stood in the road. I regret nothing. (The FW)

I don’t know who made this, and I don’t know why it exists, but the Internet is richer for the video below: it’s a faithful adaptation of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” — except the dancing zombies are Autobots (with Hot Rod standing in for MJ). This is the geekiest thing I’m going to love all day. Please, stop reading these words and watch it now:

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A Vancouver woman was arrested at the U.S.-Canadian border when she tried to smuggle two 30-pound bags of ecstasy into the United States.  The pills were all in the shape of either Homer Simpson’s head or the Decepticons’ logo.

Krysta Edwards’ vehicle was searched at the Pacific Highway border crossing on June 26, where authorities say they seized 107,734 tablets of ecstasy.

The pills, which were in the shape of popular cartoon characters from Transformers and The Simpsons, weighed approximately 60 pounds, and were found in a hidden compartment in the cargo area. [CTV BC]

You know what Transformers drugs mean?  It means this conversation happened:

Michael Bay: I want you to go to Canada and pick up something that will BLOW UP MY MIND.
Assistant: Uh, you mean blow your mind?
Michael Bay: No, I mean EXPLODE my mind!
Assistant: You mean expand your mind?
Michael Bay: Goddammit!  Get me some more drugs shaped like Transformers!  I’m out of Optimus Primo weed!  **makes exploding sound**

Whoa, did I just make a Michael Bay joke instead of a Simpsons reference?  Better rectify that: “Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.”