I was away from the blog on Friday, and I’m afraid I have to apologize for a couple oversights. First of all, the series premiere of AMC’s “Hell on Wheels” was excluded from the Weekend Preview. Those responsible have been sacked. Another unforgivable exclusion from the news: late last week, TNT cast the canine leads for “Scent of the Missing,” the dog-cop show that will star Tricia Helfer. Needless to say, this should have been the lead story.

Competition among canine actors was fierce for the starring roles in TNT’s drama pilot Scent Of The Missing. After an extensive auditioning process, golden retriever Jackson landed the lead dog role of Puzzle… Scent Of The Missing centers on Susannah (Tricia Helfer), a tenacious, strong-willed K-9 Search and Rescue volunteer who works with an equally determined partner — her mischievous golden retriever.

Saint Bernard/Australian Shepherd mix Bolt [above left] and German Shepherd San [right] nabbed the key supporting roles of Shadow and Chaos, the canine partners of K-9 Search and Rescue team members Jake (Eric Winter) and Sedona (Summer Glau), respectively.

I’m dead serious when I say that this is going to be my absolute favorite show on television, and I can’t wait to see a dog out-act Summer Glau. But I haven’t even gotten to the best part of the article, though. Deadline is kind enough to share the press release that summarizes the dogs’ acting careers:

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Last month, I nearly lost my mind with happiness when I heard that TNT had ordered a pilot about a crime-solving golden retriever. Now the show has cast its lead: “Battlestar Galactica” alum Tricia Helfer, whose inspirational 2007 Playboy shoot remains a revelation. Oh, and Gerald McRaney will be there too. Tits or GTFO, dude.

Scent Of The Missing centers on Susannah (Helfer), a tenacious, strong-willed K-9 Search and Rescue volunteer who works with an equally determined partner — her mischievous golden retriever, Puzzle. McRaney will play her father, Jerry. The dog has not been cast yet. [Deadline]

Listen to me, TNT. It’s not too late to have a corgi in that role. Shake things up. Cast against type. I mean, people want a black James Bond. A corgi cop is the next logical casting shakeup.

Two and a Half Men (CBS) — Tricia Helfer of “Battlestar Galactica” guest stars. Mmmmm… Tricia Helfer.

Chef Academy (Bravo) — Series premiere. I spent some time reading reviews of this, and all of them seemed pretty lukewarm. But if you like handsome chefs with French accents, this is the crappy reality show for you.

CSI: Miami (CBS) — L.A. Laker Pau Gasol guest stars as a tall guy. “If we’re gonna solve this case, we may have to put in some… long hours.” YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

The Soup Presents: Ladies, Ladies, Ladies (E!) — All the crazy women from “The View” to reality TV. I have no idea how this is only 30 minutes long.

Monday Night Football (ESPN) — Ravens at Browns. No live-blog tonight. This game sucks way too hard.

The Prisoner (AMC) — Night #2 — I think — of the three-night miniseries. I read some bad reviews and decided to focus my effort on watching “WWII in HD” instead.

Gossip Girl (CW) — In a move that enthralls the world of gays and teenage girls, Lady Gaga performs on tonight’s episode. Watch a clip below.

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Coming to DVD in September is Battlestar Galactica: The Plan, which will cover the same story as the TV series — only it will show it from the Cylons’ perspective.  Edward James Olmos, star of the Sci Fi hit, directed the movie and shared some of its details with fans last week in Los Angeles.

“You see the complete opposite of the first 281 days of what we went through, … seen through the eyes of the Cylons, and it is breathtaking. It’s fantastic. It’s not fun, but I will say that you will sit there [gasping].” [...]

Olmos gave credit to writer Jane Espenson, who wrote the entire script, and his lead actor. “I have to tell you right now, Dean Stockwell is a brilliant artist,” Olmos said. “He does a magnificent job of leading The Plan. The Plan is exactly that. It was how they planned to do what they did and what happened. It was monumental. All I can tell you is it’s an extraordinary look at the Cylons, how they masterminded what they did.”

It’s pretty hard for me to pretend like I care about this stuff, but I’m inclined to think that the most extraordinary look at the Cylons is one in which Tricia Helfer is naked.  I don’t want to sound like I’m too down on humanity, but if alien robots that looked like Tricia Helfer wanted to sleep with me, I would sell out the entire human race in a heartbeat.  Hey, what have you done for me lately?

At an auction for “Battlestar Galactica” memorabilia, the famed red dress worn by Tricia Helfer’s cylon character (“Number Six”) sold for $23,000, making it the most expensive item purchased there.  The high price was the result of a bidding war between two prospective buyers — presumably overweight white men with bad haircuts.

Second only to Six’s dress, Starbuck’s flight suit sold for $16,500 to an Internet bidder; meanwhile, the “Battlestar 75″ seal from the “Weapons Control” section of CIC sold for $16,000, significantly eclipsing its estimated sale price of $600-$800. Another item estimated to sell for less than $1,000, “Kara’s Bizarre Painting on Canvas,” went for $15,000.

Sounds like a pretty good way to spend $23,000.  Sure, it’d be nice to have the metal bikini Princess Leia wore in Return of the Jedi, but this dress would feel way better wrapped around your penis.

Hey, remember when Tricia Helfer got naked in Playboy?  Now THAT’S something I’d pay $23,000 to keep in my house, heh heh.  P.S. I’m talking about Tricia, not the Playboy magazine.  In case that wasn’t clear.