‘Two and a Half Men’ Fans Are Still Bitching About Charlie v. Ashton

02.07.12 Written by Josh

Artist's rendering of the average opinion of a "Two and a Half Men" fan.

We tend to think there are two kinds of TV viewers: those who like “complex” (for lack of a term that isn’t “not-for-idiots”) shows, and those who like everything else. The former are fans of “Justified” and “30 Rock” and “Homeland” and recaps; the latter enjoy “Mike & Molly,” “NCIS,” and “2 Broke Girls” and crude, yet CBS-safe double entendres about facials. And never the twain shall meet.

But that’s not quite true. There’s something both groups love to do: bitch and complain. Read anything on the Internet related to “Community” (former) with a comments section, and you’ll see sentiment after sentiment of “BOO NBC” and “WE WANT BRIE! WE WANT BRIE!” The same grumbling is true with articles about “Two and a Half Men” (latter), except their community is split on something: CHARLIE OR ASHTON, who you got?

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What’s On Tonight: ‘Smash,’ aka ‘Fancy Glee’

02.06.12 Written by Danger Guerrero

Smash (NBC) – Series premiere. As all six loyal NBC viewers can attest, the network has been pushing the mess out of this musical drama. I have made an executive decision that I will watch this show. I have also made an executive decision that Katharine McPhee is very, very pretty (see inset, part of this new GQ profile).

How I Met Your Mother/2 Broke Girls/Two and a Half Men/Mike & Molly (CBS) – The two worst shows in CBS’s Monday night lineup have the number two in them. “Number two” also means poop. I am very perceptive.

Alcatraz (FOX) – Did they ever catch that dinosaur in “Lost”? If I ever caught a dinosaur, I would name him Ozzie.

The Bachelor (ABC) – Apparently Whatshisnose has a date with one girl on a deserted island tonight. I bet he gets lucky. You know, because of “the implication.” Also because these girls seem pretty easy.

Pretty Little Liars/The Lying Game (ABC Family) – “ABC Family, the worldwide leader in dishonesty-based programming.”

Gossip Girl/Hart of Dixie (CW) – As far as I can tell, every male character on “Gossip Girl” is pretty much just Oliver from “The O.C.” And when I say “As far as I can tell,” what I mean is “Based almost entirely on snippets of conversations I’ve overheard while navigating Old Navy.”

Finding Bigfoot (Animal Planet) – SPOILER ALERT: No dice.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: LL Cool J and Pitbull on Kimmel; Sarah Michelle Gellar on Letterman; Mark Harmon and Martha Plimpton on Ferguson; The Rock on Fartface McGee; Kristen Bell and Bret McKenzie (Flight of the Concords) on Conan

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2011′s 5 Most DVR’d Moments Capped by Roethlisberger’s Choke Sandwich

12.23.11 Written by Dustin Rowles

Mike Wallace’s drop on 4th and 5 of a pass from Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger’s during this year’s Super Bowl topped the year’s most DVR’d moments, according to Tivo’s annual report. And since the Super Bowl was already the most watched telecast of the year, that means that Rapelisberger’s failure was the year’s most viewed scene. And it was viewed over, and over, and over again, no doubt until a number of Packers’ fans came to fruition. Let’s give a big Nelson ha ha to Steeler Nation.

In at number two was the funeral eulogy from this year’s first episode of “Two and a Half Men” without Charlie Sheen, a scene I have to concede even I saw. It was the only episode of “Two and a Half Men” I’ve ever seen. I’m a lesser man for it. The third most DVR’s moment was the Best Pictures Oscar win for “The King’s Speech” at the Academy Awards (*snore*) and both the fourth and fifth most DVR’s moments were “Modern Family” episodes. They were the “After the Fire” and “Hit and Run” episodes, which weren’t all that memorable (though, the second did feature David Cross).

And if you are interested in this sort of thing, “Modern Family” was also the show on the most season pass lists, after “Grey’s Anatomy.” I had no idea anyone still watched “Grey’s Anatomy.” The most DVR’d series, however, were the CW’d “The Vampire Diaries,” “Gossip Girl” and “Smallville,” which were viewed 83 percent of the time on DVRs, suggesting that the young folks had better things to do than watch crappy CW shows live.

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Ten of TV’s Most Obnoxious, Overused Tropes

12.07.11 Written by Josh

Imagine them eating in slow-motion, and you've got about three selections from this list.

Did people in the 1960s, when TV was a relatively new source of entertainment, predict that at the end of the “Mr. McBeevee” episode of “The Andy Griffith Show,” the previously-unseen-by-everyone-but-Opie titular character was going to appear? Like we would now. You see, Mr. B is a “Not So Imaginary Friend,” and because of Opie stating that he has 12 hands…The point I’m trying to make is: recognizing tropes have made us more cynical about TV, and that’s why I love them.

One of the reasons why shows like “Community” and “South Park” are so good is because they rarely go the easy route and do something that’s been seen a million times before. Their success comes from the way they subvert tropes, unlike, say, “Two and a Half Men” or “Family Guy,” both of which have been doing the same exact stories with the same exact jokes that “The Honeymooners” did in 1955. Just not as well.

On the following pages are 10 of my least-favorite TV tropes. If ever you’ve groaned at a character screaming in horror when they realize who their bedmate is, or turned the channel when someone thought they were high or drunk when they were actually just given a placebo, this list is for you. (Note: this is not the 10 WORST – it’s 10 that really bug me, even if some of my favorite shows use them. Please list your least favorites.)

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Thanksgiving Thread: What Terrible Shows Will Your Family Discuss at the Dinner Table?

11.25.11 Written by Josh

Not as sexy as I imagined.

All things considered, the older members of my family have pretty decent TV-watching habits. My mom can quote “The Simpsons” with the best of them. My uncle has seen every episode “The Wire” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm” and he’s currently catching up on “Doctor Who,” while my aunt loves “Parenthood.” But when I extend the family to include second cousins and aunts-by-marriage and grandparents, things take a turn for the worse, especially during Thanksgiving. That’s when we’re all at a table for a long time, and when the “how are you doing?” conversations run dry, talk often turns to TV — more specifically, to “Two and a Half Men,” “NCIS,” and “Blue Bloods,” and how the Professor Professorson episode of “Community” is the “least funny thing” they’ve ever seen. I already dread the inevitable “2 Broke Girls” banter.

What awful shows does your family talk about during Turkey Day? Do you keep your mouth shut when they discuss “Two and a Half Men”? Or do you tell them that the only half-man worth caring about is Tyrion Lannister on “Game of Thrones”? Dare you defend the honor of good TV? What’s the worst show you’ve ever heard your mother-in-law defend? Thanksgiving might be the only day you’re going to see your entire family until next year’s holidays — why not tell them that “Law & Order: SVU” isn’t nearly as good as they think it is?

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