For the most part, I think network dramas are pathetic. With the exception of “Parenthood” and “The Good Wife,” you can’t really find a good solid drama on the big four networks. Despite the low ratings of many of them, however, I think networks have managed to cultivate quite a few excellent situation comedies.

Now, we all know of your affection for “Community.” And good news: Last night without a fresh episode of “The Office,” “Community” was the top rated program on the network. Among men 18-34, it was also tied for number one in the timeslot (with NCAA basketball coverage) and number two among women 18-34 (behind “American Idol”). Any doubts we had about “Community’s” shot at renewal should be dispelled by those numbers. If NBC is renewing shows like “Grimm” and “Smash,” a fourth year of “Community” — which has already been picked up by Comedy Central for syndication — seems like a very safe bet.

However, what about the other network sitcoms that we don’t talk about as much because they don’t feature Alison Brie running? If you had to choose one, which would be your favorite? Two years ago, I’d probably have gone with “Modern Family.” Last week, I probably would’ve gone with “Happy Endings.” But on the strength of this week’s episodes, I’d probably pick “Cougar Town,” although “New Girl” is really beginning to find its stride.

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Pictured (L to R): An astronaut, Jon Cryer

Today in news that I promise I am not making up, Ashton Kutcher is going to be launched into space. The “Two and a Half Men” star plunked down $200,000 and signed up to be the 500th customer of Virgin Galactic, billionaire Richard Branson’s Duck Boat tour of the cosmos. Sayeth Sir Branson:

Great news today news from our Astronaut Relations team at Virgin Galactic: our 500th future astronaut customer has just signed up! Even better news is that number 500 is Ashton Kutcher. I gave Ashton a quick call to congratulate and welcome him. He is as thrilled as we are at the prospect of being among the first to cross the final frontier (and back!) with us and to experience the magic of space for himself.

I reached out to my grandfather for a comment about this, and he had this to say: “What? Hello? Who is this? Hold on. [sound of rustling newspaper pages as he looks for the TV remote to turn down the volume] OK, what? Oh, hi. The who now? Asston Kupper? Oh, the kid who replaced the guy. I love that show. Why’s his character going to space? What? In real life? Oh, for the love of … TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS? Jesus. What’s happening to this country? You used to have to be a goddamn genius war hero to go to space. Now any goof with a checking account can-… huh? Katy Perry is going, too? Who the hell is Katy Perry? A singer? Hold on, who kissed a girl? Oh good Lord. On the radio? I’ll tell you, I just don’t know anymore. This type of crap wouldn’t be happening if Old Blue Eyes was still around. Now there was a class act. He and Dean really handled themselv- hold on, the weather’s coming on. I gotta go. [hangs up]”

So I guess that settles that.

Photo credit: Shutterstock

H/T Nadia

Oh, the misery.

[Oscar-winner Kathy Bates] is set to guest star on the CBS comedy “Two and a Half Men,” playing the ghost of former star Charlie Sheen’s character Charlie Harper. In an episode slated to air April 30, Alan (Jon Cryer) suffers a minor heart attack, and the ghost of his brother Charlie (Bates) will pay a visit to his hospital bedside. (Deadline)

I tried to separate this news from the moldy cat turd that is “Two and a Half Men,” to determine whether I’d like it more if, say, “Archer” announced the same stunt and had a middle-aged woman — who terrified us as Annie Wilkes and with her boobs in About Schmidt — play the ghost of a young, male character. And: nope, it’s still a dumb idea. I guess CBS figured “Harry’s Law” was stealing too much of their grandma demographic.

CBS, whose audience average median age is literally 55 years old, pulled the trigger early and renewed a good two thirds or more of its primetime line-up yesterday, ensuring that the geriatric set will not have its stories taken away from them before they enter hospice care. The list of shows renewed stands at 18, so far, including four comedies, nine dramas, three reality series and two news magazines. The list: “The Good Wife,” “2 Broke Girls,” “NCIS,” “NCIS: Los Angeles,” “Criminal Minds,” “CSI,” “The Mentalist,” “Person of Interest,” “Blue Bloods,” “Hawaii Five-0,” “Mike & Molly,” “How I Met Your Mother,” and “Big Bang Theory” (real nerds watch “Community”). “60 Minutes” and “48 Hours,” as well as “Survivor,” “The Amazing Race,” and “Undercover Boss,” are also returning.

Absent from the list of renewals: “Two and a Half Men.” Don’t read too much into that. It’s a top 10 show. The hang-up right now is ongoing negotiations with Ashton Kutcher. If he returns, so does the show. Meanwhile, two “CSI” installments (New York and Miami) remain on the bubble, as does “Rules of Engagement” and “Rob.” “Unforgettable” is also on the bubble (though it will probably be renewed) as is “A Gifted Man” (it probably will not be renewed).

It’s a great day for your grandparents.

I’m a television critic, so it is therefore my job to watch as much television as possible. I only watch television shows that I like or that I think are relevant to the two audiences for which I write, Warming Glow and Pajiba. Still, on an average week, I watch between 25 and 30 television shows, not including “The Daily Show.” It’s not as much as you’d think — it breaks down to a little more than three hours a day, which is the amount of television the average American watches.

What I’m often confounded by, however, is this: Despite all of the television that both myself and the average television viewer watches, our programming choices rarely intersect. I’m one of the four million people — according to Nielsen — that watches “Parks and Recreation.” How is that the other 296 million American or so can watch 25 shows a week, and fail so spectacularly to watch quality shows? “Mad Men” and “Breaking Bad” have about 3 million viewers, “The Walking Dead” is watched by about 8 million people per week, about 10 million watch “How I Met Your Mother.” What are the other 290 million people who watch 25 shows a week watching besides “Jersey Shore”?

Then I see the Nielsen Top 25, and it all starts to make sense. These were the Top 25 shows from the week before last.

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