If you own a computer or a television, the return of ABC’s “V” was impossible to ignore yesterday (and if you don’t own a TV or a computer, what are you doing here?). It was everywhere I looked: in the TV Guide listings, on Hulu, on YouTube, and — most notably — on the corner of the screen during the entirety of “Lost.” And people HATED it:

There was no way to avoid it, and it was ridiculous: between the large red “V” logo, and the ticking clock, it was impossible to not notice it, virtually ever moment it was on screen (which was everywhere except right before or after a commercial break), and in at least one case the stupid clock obscured the note Sun was writing to Jack. Well-done, ABC. Really freaking well-done. [Alan Sepinwall]

That’s not a new marketing tool — Broadcast and cable nets have been known to stick a clock on-screen before a highly-anticipated season premiere or finale. (Whether or not the spring return of “V” qualifies as such is a separate topic.)

But this is “Lost.” The final season of “Lost.” It’s sacred ground. You don’t clutter the screen during one of the show’s final, pivotal episodes. Or you piss people off. [Variety]

Yes, people, I saw it too. :34 minutes until I cry myself to sleep. ["Lost" creator Damon Lindelof]

So… yeah. Not exactly the most popular promotion. Personally, I considered it only a minor annoyance, but since I’m such a spiteful person that’s more than enough reason for me to want “V” to fail. It’s just what I do. Fish gotta swim, haters gotta hate.

V (ABC) — Pilot episode (you can watch the first eight minutes here). Huge spaceships hover over Earth’s major cities, and the alien leader delivers a message of peace.  I liked it better when the aliens delivered a message of “die” and then Will Smith punched them in the face and gave them a cold.  Welcome ta Earf.

Sons of Anarchy (FX) — I have nothing to say about this show that Matt hasn’t said already.  Just letting you know it’s on.

NCIS (CBS) — Two murdered marines are found on Mark Harmon’s boat.   Based on a true story (Mark Harmon is hardcore).

NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS) — A marine falls to his death at a party, and the investigation reveals his double life.  Ooo, I hope his double life was as an actor on a show I’d watch.

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox) — You know who thinks he can dance?  The guy in the video below.

Video via buzzfeed:

This guy dances like Michael Jackson whenever he’s waiting for the bus. Apparently, someone noticed this guy outside his office window and filmed him over a 15-month period.

Here, via the Live Feed, are the first eight and a half minutes of ABC’s remake of the ’80s classic sci-fi thriller “V.” The best part happens at around the 3:55 mark, when Jesus tries to kill a homeless guy in a wheelchair. (I feel ya, Jesus. I feel ya.) The rest of the video’s not gonna make you crap your pants or anything, but I imagine the “spaceship looming over Manhattan” scene will look pretty cool on a giant flatscreen with HD. Hey, does anyone have a giant flatscreen with HD? Well la dee dah, your highness.

Anyway, “V” will air for four weeks during sweeps starting November 3rd, then ABC will shelve it until early next year, a marketing method commonly known as “blue balls.”  I guess we have to wait to get our “V” card! Wokka wokka wokka! *falls through trap door*

The upfront trailer for ABC’s remake of “V” has made its way to YouTube, and we finally get a tiny glimpse of the scary lizard creatures underneath the human skin — something that was missing in the show’s promotional stills — when Elizabeth Mitchell (Juliet from “Lost”) bashes open the head of one of the Visitors.

Full trailer below.  I will not lie to you: this looks pretty sweet.  And before any of you go saying that the original is a classic and doesn’t need to be updated, I’d like to remind you that stuff that seemed scary when you were a kid now looks really, really stupid.  Kind of like your uncle with his pants down.

Next fall, ABC will air a remake/re-imagining of the classic ’80s miniseries “V,” starring Morris Chestnut, Michael J. Fox, and a bunch of other people who look vaguely familiar.  Wait a minute.  That’s not Michael J. Fox, that’s Scott Wolf.  Holy crap, he looks EXACTLY like Michael J. Fox.  That’s uncanny.  He’s a degenerative movement disorder away from being Teen Wolf’s son.  He’s even got the right last name!

What?  Oh right, the TV show.  Anyway, judging by the stills, the people of Earth spend a lot of time looking up at the sky, and the producers have done away with the iconic red spray-painted V, as well as the Fascist ovetones in the alien wardrobe.  Now the aliens just wear sleek gray suits with futuristic collars.  You can always identify alien life forms because their collars are all weird.  Which is why I take an aluminum baseball bat to anyone with a popped collar.  Can’t take any chances.

Last October, ABC announced plans to remake “V,” the creepy alien invasion story from the ’80s that spawned two miniseries and a weekly series.  And now Scott Wolf, best known (read: only known) for his role as Bailey on “Party of Five,” has been cast in the new version.  Entertainment Weekly’s Michael Ausiello breathlessly reports:

Scott Wolf has been tapped to star in ABC’s reboot of the campy ’80s drama, V, sources confirm to me exclusively.

It’s believed the Party of Five alum will play the role of Ryan, an extremely good-looking dude who’s harboring a deep, dark secret from his girlfriend.

That secret: HE’S GAY!  Oh, and a reptilian alien that’s part of a secret plot to take over Earth and harvest humans as food.  But his girlfriend will be especially devastated about the gay thing.

By the way, seeing the ridiculous crappiness of this scene 25 years after it originally freaked the hell out of me is really disappointing.  I hate to say it, but this is one series that could really benefit from the developments in special effects technology.