Dr. Jenny McCarthy, former host of MTV’s “Singled Out,” and a medical expert in the field of crazy-pants crack-pot medical theories pertaining to vaccines and that “made-up disease,” autism, is currently developing a talk show for VH1.

“The Jenny McCarthy Show,” which is still in “early development stages,” will “celebrate as well as skewer everyone and everything in pop culture, news, fashion, TV, movies and the web,” according to VH1. McCarthy will be joined by guest panelists and celebrity interviewees.

“Our viewers connect with smart, funny, and outspoken women and Jenny certainly represents all of those elements wrapped up in a style that makes people smile,” Jeff Olde, VH1′s executive vice president of original programming and production, said.

So, it’s Oprah crossed with David Spade in a bikini. I’ve heard worse ideas, but my issue is with the characterization of McCarthy as funny, smart, and outspoken. Funny? Debatable. Outspoken? Absolutely. Smart? Sure, if you believe that a measles shot will make you an expert at card counting and that superheroes make our kids gay.

In related news, McCarthy has also signed on as the host of a new NBC reality series, “Love in the Wild,” in which “single men and women couple up to compete in nature-based challenges and can change partners along the way in hopes of finding love.”

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136th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (CNBC/USA, 9 p.m.) – The fine looking lady you see above is one of the contestants at this year’s dog orgy, a.k.a. the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Mr. Ufford was reporting live from the scene earlier for his new gig. Sample Tweet: “Best Monday morning ever.” (Banner via)

How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) – During the Grammys, a slew of CBS personalities came out to present awards, read from teleprompters, and discuss the importance of dub-step. Seeing them all together in one room really solidified something: I hate every show on CBS that isn’t “How I Met.” Mixed compliment aside, Marshall, Lily, Robin, and Kevin go to Vermont, and Barney “meets his match.” STDS??? Probably not.

Being Human (SyFy, 9 p.m.) – Do you ever root for someone in a TV show or movie because they have the same name as you? For instance, one of the reasons why I like Clueless so much (outside of my love of rollin’ with my homies) is because Paul Rudd’s character is named Josh. (On the flip-side, I also hate bad films and shows that have the BALLS to use my name, like “Drake and Josh.”) There’s a character on “Being Human” named Josh, and he’s a werewolf. We have so much in common!

Smash (NBC, 10 p.m.) – Admit it, you liked the pilot of “Smash.” It did a great job of effectively introducing us to a huge group of characters, while simultaneously setting up the season-long battle between Katharine McPhee and Megan Hilty’s characters. Needless to say, I’ll root for anyone who once played Chevy Chase’s daughter.

100 Greatest Women in Music (VH1, 10 p.m.) – 5) Lady Miss Kier from Deee-Lite; 4) Janice from Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem; 3) Girl rapper from Karmin; 2) The woman who touched herself from Divinyls; and 1) Tracy Chapman. There, saved you four hours.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: “Ten of the 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition models present the Top Ten List, followed by the reveal of the cover model,” according to Zap 2 It, on Letterman; Jennifer Lopez and Jeff Dunham on Leno (hahahaha); Jeff Goldblum and Lana Del Rey on Kimmel; Carol Burnett on Ferguson; Nicolas Cage on Kimmel; Ice-T, Coco, and Adam Palley on Conan; Fawzia Koofi on Stewart; and Bill McKibben on Colbert.

This post was originally going to be about the History Channel paying $3.5 million to advertise their show “Swamp People” during the Super Bowl. As I was reading over the story, however, I came across this paragraph:

“Swamp People” is History’s third most-watched original series, trailing only “Pawn Stars” and “American Pickers.” “Pawn Stars” throughout 2011 averaged 7.02 million L7 viewers, making it the fifth most popular program on basic cable. “Pickers” averaged 5.78 million.

Yeah… none of those shows are about history. Not even a little bit. “Swamp People” is about Cajun dudes catching alligators or something, “Pawn Stars” is just about a fancy pawn shop, and “American Pickers” is about buying and selling antiques. To bastardize a great Mitch Hedberg joke, this would be like if the Food Network started airing a reality show about farmers. It’s ridiculous. Yes, the network’s ratings are up, but I don’t see how they can keep calling themselves “The History Channel” like they’re some beacon for educational programming when their schedule is full of shows like this. I’m on to you, History Channel! YOUR HEAD RESTS UPON A BED OF LIES!

But, the more I thought about it, I realized that the History Channel is far from the only network guilty of this. I’ve compiled a collection of other offenders after the jump.

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As we all know, I’m a big Paz de la Huerta fan — for her work on “Boardwalk Empire,” for her lingerie modeling, and most especially for her drunken physical assaults of reality TV fame whores. But a lot of that has to do with my tastes; I like a a woman who might break a beer bottle and stab me in the ribs with it during sex.

Paz was a guest on VH1′s “Big Morning Buzz Live” today, and she REALLY knows how to dress for a TV interview: thigh-highs, garters, form-fitting turtleneck. The first 30 seconds or so of the interview are GREAT.

And then Paz talks. And she. Talks. Very. Slowly. Her pauses between sentences are so long that the camera cuts over to host Carrie Keagan (no slouch herself), whose smiling nods can’t hide the desperation on her face. It’s simply an awful interview. You MUST watch it!

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My mom has that same outfit.

According to Radar, Weston Coppola Cage and Christina Fulton — the son and ex-girlfriend of Nicolas Cage — will star in a VH1 reality series called “Uncaged.”

“Christina said the show will be like a modern-day Addams Family,” an insider told our friends at Star. “Weston just wants to show the world he’s not mentally ill.” Christina is working on an album, also titled Uncaged, in which she takes jabs at her Oscar-winning ex.

Weston, 20, made headlines in July when he was arrested twice on suspicion of domestic violence after fights with his wife, Nikki (left), and checked into rehab, as well. He gained notoriety after a Hollywood street fight he was in (with his former personal trainer) went viral.

In case you missed any of that back story, Weston went in for a mental evaluation after that fight with his trainer, then he proved his sanity by taking off his shoes and doing a whole bunch of karate kicks for paparazzi. You must see all of the photos. Also, he used to look like this.

As for Fulton, her IMDb credits include “Red Shoe Diaries” (1992), Red Shoe Diaries 3: Another Woman’s Lipstick (1993), and The Girl With the Hungry Eyes (1995). He most recent “acting” role was 2000′s Red Shoe Diaries 14: Luscious Lola. Also, she used to look like this (NSFW).

I’m sure “Uncaged” will be tastefully subdued.