The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show (CBS) — I’m conflicted here. While the Victoria’s Secret Angels are obviously some of the sexiest women on the planet, the VS fashion show has gotten away from what lingerie is all about. Listen, I don’t need my idealized sex fantasies to have giant wings or halos or capes or balloon animals tied to their asses. Let’s stick with sheer mesh bras and crotchless thongs, okay?

Sons of Anarchy (FX) — Season 2 finale. My raving about this show is excessive and well-documented, and I understand if you’re tired of me talking about it. But don’t blame me, I’m just a SAMCRO apostle trying to spread TV gospel.

Scrubs (ABC) — Season 9 premiere. The series has been completely overhauled and is transitioning in a new class of young doctors. Full review here. I’m gonna pass.

The Bad Girls Club (Oxygen) — Season premiere. I’m happy to say that I don’t know where to even begin looking for Oxygen on my DVR, but the clips of this show that make it on “The Soup” are enough to tell me that I don’t need to bother.

The Hills (MTV) — Season finale. Idiots in fake scenarios stare at each other.

(Bonus pictures of Marisa Miller in the $3M bra right HIAH)

Fresh off of giving birth to her fourth child, Heidi Klum will host the Victoria’s Secret fashion show on November 19th. CBS’s telecast of the show will air on December 1st, after all of the sexiest parts I want to see have been edited out.

[Klum's] fellow Angels aren’t surprised to see Heidi back to work. “She can do it all,” says fellow Angel (and new mom) Alessandra Ambrosio. “She’s a great mom and she’s got so much going on. She’s an inspiration.”

No, Alessandra. What’s an inspiration is you looking like this one year after having a baby. Seriously, what’s wrong with the rest of you ladies? Slacking off, not working out all the time, not wearing lingerie every day, having jobs other than being professionally good-looking… it’s just laziness. Laziness and not having perfect Brazilian genes. And it makes me sick.

We gotta get Susan B. Anthony off the silver dollar; she’s setting a bad example for women. Sacajawea, too. I appreciate the attempt to move closer to gender and racial equity, but the U.S. Mint needs to quit making unsexy money. Put Marisa Miller on the $50 bill already. Ulysses S. Grant was a crappy president anyway.