As you may have guessed from the headline, Chelsea Handler will host MTV’s Video Music Awards this year. She becomes the first woman to host the VMAs since Russell Brand last year Roseanne Barr in 1994 Julie Brown in 1987. Say what you will about her comedy (“Handler? I hardly tolerate her!”), it would be impossible for her to be less funny than Russell Brand has been the last two years.

Handler will work the mic at this year’s awards show, which airs live from Los Angeles on September 12 at 9 p.m. ET. This is the first time the L.A.-based star will host the event where celebs like Lady Gaga, Eminem, Drake, Usher, and Katy Perry are up for Moonmen. Among the performers set to hit the stage are Kanye West, B.o.B, Florence and the Machine, and Justin Bieber. [MTV]

The show will be preceded by two weeks of MTV talking about how culturally important the VMAs are and recapping every CRAAAAA-ZAYYY moment of the last 25 years. Then during the show something stupid will happen and we’ll all talk about it. Spoiler alert: Lady Gaga will wear something abso– YO LADY GAGA I’MA LET YOU FINISH BUT MADONNA HAD THE WILDEST VMA PERFORMANCE OF ALL TIME!

God bless the Internet. Within hours of Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at the VMAs, someone had already mashed it up with video of Rep. Joe Wilson’s “You lie!” outburst during President Obama’s address on health care reform. In case you can’t watch the clip:

Obama: The reforms I’m proposing would not apply to those who are here illegally.
Kanye: I’d let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of ALL TIME!
[booing, disorder]
Obama: That’s not true.

Simple, brilliant, and perfectly cut. Bravo, Internet. This almost makes up for the headache of having to address the existence of the VMAs. My only question is… WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?

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The MTV Video Music Awards were last night, and I guess some people watched it, even though there were several preferable viewing options: an excellent new episode of “Mad Men” (places people smoked: the hospital, an elevator), the season finale of “True Blood” (which sucked, but that’s another story), and a compelling Sunday Night Football game.

But no. We have to talk about the VMAs, because something so wild and unexpected that you’ll believe immediately because it’s not that shocking happened. Taylor Swift won an award for best video by a female performer, and Kanye West interrupted her speech to say that Beyoncé’s video for something else was one of the best videos of all time (see video below). Later, Beyoncé won the award for best overall video — even though it wasn’t the best female video? — and she invited Taylor Swift up onstage to finish her speech and Jesus Christ am I still wasting words on this?

There’s more on the incident here, and if this is the sort of thing you care about, by all means, head on over to Google and type in “Kanye West dickhead” or “Lady Gaga in stupid outfits” or “My unusually soft skull makes me excited by predictable events.”

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A while back I posted a 30-second clip of Cobra Starship and Leighton Meester singing “Tonight” from West Side Story with the lyrics adapted to promote MTV’s Video Music Awards — yup, they still give out awards for stuff they no longer air on TV.  Well, thank your lucky stars if you like pop stars and Broadway, because that was only a glimpse at the full promotional video: this one lasts three and a half minutes and features not only Cobra Starship and Meester but also Ne-Yo, Katy Perry, host Russell Brand, and Taylor Swift.

I’ll grudgingly admit that I don’t entirely hate this video, but I do hope they go all the way with the West Side story line.  Ne-Yo and Russell Brand can get stabbed to death, Taylor Swift can commit suicide, and Cobra Starship can rape Katy Perry.  Everybody wins.  Well, except the people dying and getting raped.

[via the Daily Mail, which says, "the performers each hang out in iconic New York locations - an alley, a subway station, a rooftop garden, the back of a cab." Oh yes. The iconic New York City alley. Recognizable at a glance, like the Brooklyn Bridge or Chrysler Building.]

Jay-Z and Lady Gaga have been added to the list of performers at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards, scheduled to air September 13th, joining Taylor Swift, Green Day, Pink, and Muse.  Jigga will perform a song from his highly anticipated The Blueprint 3, while Lady Gaga will dance around jerkily while wearing a weird outfit and three pounds of makeup.

As crotchety as I am with all things MTV, that’s a nicely balanced lineup of big names across the musical spectrum.  So I won’t nitpick about the music.  My problem with the VMAs is that MTV spends the two weeks before the show patting itself on the back by going over every single memorable moment in VMA.  “Look at that!  Madonna kissed Britney!  Howard Stern was Fartman!  What wild moment will happen THIS YEAR!?!?!”  It’s like, thanks MTV, but I really don’t like watching entities suck themselves off.

As for the video above (via Best Week Ever), I have to credit MTV for referencing a musical that was around for a half century before most the little retards watching “16 and Pregnant” were even born.  C’mon, who out there doesn’t love West Side Story?  **hums “I Feel Pretty**