NBC, which placed 8th in the ratings last Thursday during “The Firm” (behind even Univision) has picked up several new pilots in an effort to dig itself out of its years’ long hole. The spectrum ranges from “decent idea for a show that won’t be seen because it’s on NBC” to “bad idea for a show that won’t be seen because it’s on NBC.” What we can promise you is that if you eventually love the show, it will most certainly be under a perpetual threat of cancellation. These are, however, only pilot pick-ups, and there’s no guarantee any of them will make it to series. Here are the highlights:

Downwardly Mobile: Roseanne Barr will be making her return to scripted television as a character that sounds very similar to her character in “My Name is Earl.” She would be the “proprietor of a mobile home park and surrogate mother to all of the unique people who live there in a challenging economy.” How timely.

Friday Night Dinner: This one has the best prospects for being an actually good show, as it comes from Greg Daniels (“The Office,” “Parks and Recreation”) and it’s another remake of a British series, this one about “a quirky family that has dinner together every Friday night.” David Koechner is the leading contender for the role of the father, although he’s not really all that “quirky.” Goofy, maybe.

Jimmy Fallon Untitled Project: This one has lame written all over it: It’s a multi-camera sitcom (and thus, most likely a laugh-track show) about “three thirtysomething guys who enjoy the adventures of parenting despite the fact they haven’t grown up themselves.” Yeesh. Just what television needs: More man-children.

Read the rest of this entry »

News out of the TCA this week is that “How I Met Your Mother” — currently in its 7th season and contracted by CBS for eight — may actually extend beyond 2013, despite earlier suggestions that the sitcom would wrap up next year and the identity of Ted’s wife would be revealed. That’d be a lousy idea. Even if most of us have moved beyond caring about the show’s initial premise, eight seasons is enough. In fact, notwithstanding a number of great episodes over the last two years, five seasons probably would’ve been enough.

Nevertheless, despite record ratings, I doubt “HIMYM” will go beyond eight seasons anyhow: Jason Segel is a big Hollywood star now and probably has no desire to stick around; Cobie Smulders’ movie career may get a boost from The Avengers; Neil Patrick Harris probably has an awesome talk show in his future; and Josh Radnor has been expressing frustration with working on the sitcom for years now. Those guys don’t want to come back. If “HIMYM” were to stick around, it’d have to move ahead 20 years and replace Radnor with his voice over, Bob Saget. And then the show would really run off the rails.

But it wouldn’t be the first — or last — beloved show to do so. Here are ten other initially adored television shows that overstayed their welcomes.

Read the rest of this entry »

As “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” “Lost,” and countless other shows have proven, sometimes a character, often beloved, needs to die to advance the plot. And nothing furthers the story like death, unless you’re “The Killing.” On the following pages are ten characters who need to meet their maker, not because they’re bad characters (I repeat: these are NOT necessarily characters I want dead because I hate them), but because they’ve either served their purpose and need to go away or because their passing would bring on a whole new set of stories their show hasn’t been able to accomplish.

To death! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Bachelorette (ABC) — The conclusion of the two-part season finale. I haven’t seen a lick of this show, so I’ll just guess that a white lady in a $5,000 dress and hair extensions gives a white guy a flower and then everyone cries. Do I win? I think I win.

Hell’s Kitchen (FOX) — At this point, there’s not a jury in the land that would convict you if you bashed Gordon Ramsay in the head with a pineapple. That’s not legal advice. Just an observation.

Hoarders/Intervention (A&E) — I just want to remind all of you that “A&E” is short for “Arts and Entertainment.” I’m not sure which category addiction and debilitating mental conditions fall into, but I’ll let you know once I figure it out.

Rogue Sharks/Summer of the Shark (Discovery) — FACT: Every show title during Shark Week also works as a name for a metal band. I would buy a Rogue Sharks CD sound unheard.

Weeds (Showtime) — I haven’t seen any of this show either, so I’ll go with “A pretty lady sells drugs with her shirt off.” I won again, didn’t I? I’m good at this game.

Rizzoli & Isles (TNT) — TNT should do a “Rizzoli & Isles”/”Franklin & Bash” crossover arc where they do a bunch of stuff by their own rules and then bone.

Conan (TBS) — I’m giving this one it’s own slot instead of busting it down below because his guests are Harrison Ford (fresh off his trippy appearance on Letterman) and Marissa Miller (who wore this dress when she was on in November). OK!

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Howel Mandel and the Bachelorette lady on Kimmel; James Franco and Diana Agron on Letterman; Ferguson’s in Paris so I’ll guess “a talking rat that can cook really well”; Ryan Reynolds on Leno; Lou Dobbs (?) on Fallon; Freida Pinto (!) on The Daily Show.

Weeds (Showtime) — Season 7 premiere. Before the new story can get in underway in New York, Mary-Louise Parker begins the season in prison, while hurj sjbhfail hsfkhn  fif sa. Whoa, sorry. I drifted off into a daydream about being Mary-Louise Parker’s prison guard. (high-res of the banner image available here)

The Big C (Showtime) — Season 2 premiere. Laura Linney still has cancer.

Law & Order: LA (NBC) — Bob Saget guest stars as a “seedy porn producer,” according to Yahoo. As opposed to the legions of porn producers who are not seedy. And if you think that I don’t have more jokes about “seed” and “porn,” you are woefully mistaken.

MasterChef (Fox) — Only 15 chefs remain. Or it 30?

Teen Wolf (MTV) — A bloody body is discovered in a video store. Also discovered: a video store.

The Bachelorette (ABC) — Reviled contestant Bentley returns to the show to boost ratings and toy with Ashley’s emotions. Note to prospective parents: you should only name your child “Bentley” if it’s a girl and you want her to become a stripper.