This saucy video is from Monday night’s “Weeds,” and needless to say, Mark-Paul Gosselaar pulling Mary-Louise Parker’s hair was just the beginning. What followed after this scene was probably the best sex scene between two hyphenated names we’ll ever see. Bohemea (NSFW) says…

I knew there was a filthy sex scene coming up between Nancy & Zach Morris. I did not know that MPG would totally violate MLP in ways that I’ve only imagined. He pulled her hair, spanked her with a belt, bent her over a bar & held her down while he had his beastly Preppie way with her. It was one of the most outstanding sex scenes I’ve ever witnessed.

The link above is accompanied by several NSFW screencaps of the scene, and you can watch the glorious unedited video at Fleshbot. But on the off chance that you’re forbidden from looking at nudity while at work, I’ve made SFW screencaps after the jump. I’m not sure what selfless miracle Mark-Paul Gosselaar pulled off to get the karmic retribution of this scene, but it’s somewhere on the level of blowing Jesus.

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Weeds (Showtime) — Season premiere. I don’t actually watch “Weeds,” but I’ll kill you in your sleep if you say something bad about Mary-Louise Parker.

The Big C (Showtime) — Series premiere. Probably worth a watch, except I canceled Showtime. Hey, it’s a recession. Anyway, the Hollywood Reporter calls it “solidly entertaining.” Read the full review here.

Hard Core Pawn (truTV) — Series premiere. Finally, a real show about pawn shops I can ignore. I was getting tired of not watching “Pawn Stars.”

Dating in the Dark (ABC) — I missed this last week because I was traveling, but man oh man, do I love this show. I love watching people face up to their looks-based prejudices. Me, I only care about what’s on the inside. Of a woman’s bra.

Here’s the new trailer for Season 6 of “Weeds,” which debuts August 16th. In case you’re new to this website, I kind of have a thing for Mary-Louise Parker. As in, I’d happily push you off a cliff just to get her to look at me.

“Weeds” suffers a bit in that it tries to be a comedy, while “Breaking Bad” tackles a similar premise with HARDCORE ASS-KICKING GRAVITY. But I have to admit, the coming season — in which the Botwins go on the road under new identities after a murder — looks pretty good. And by “the coming season,” I mean Mary-Louise Parker. Seriously, if it got her attention, I’d kill you. In cold blood. On camera. In front of witnesses.

Mary-Louise Parker’s impression of me at my last office job

Weeds (Showtime) — In case you’ve missed the entire season, Yahoo can catch you up: “Nancy dodged death by becoming pregnant with the baby of a corrupt Mexican politician, moved in with him, got engaged, moved out, had the baby, asked her brother-in-law Andy to be the father, watched her middle son get shot in the arm by a hitman, then left Andy in the dust and moved back in with the baby’s daddy before he was arrested.”  Word on the street is that the season ends with a shocker (don’t worry, the link doesn’t have any spoilers).

Inside the Actors Studio (Bravo) — James Lipton interviewing Mickey Rourke?  Yes please. “But wait,” you’re saying, “I only want to watch if Rourke is wearing a fedora, sunglasses, and goatee.”  Thy will be done.

Monday Night Football: Vikings at Texans (ESPN) — A preseason tilt that will feature — OMG! — an entire half of Brett Favre!  On a different note, the best development in any broadcasting booth recently is the addition of Jon Gruden to the Monday night crew.  It’s so foreign and pleasant to have an analyst who I don’t want attacked by wild dogs.

Ultimate Cake Off (TLC) — HOLY F*CK ANOTHER CAKE SHOW STOP THE MADNESS.

Dance Your Ass Off (Oxygen) — Season finale.  Whoops, looks like I missed every episode of this ever.  I honestly have no idea what channel Oxygen is even NEAR on my TV.

9/11: Science and Conspiracy (NatGeo) — Forensic experts investigate the most common 9/11 conspiracies using established evidence and the scientific method.  Whatever, their so-called “scientific method” is all part of the conspiracy!

The Tonight Show (NBC) — Norm MacDonald is a guest. We can only hope he recreates one of the most fantastically awkward late-night interviews in history (watch: part 1, part 2).

Mary-Louise Parker appeared on Letterman last night (video below), and she did nothing at all to dispel my no-holds-barred crush on her.  If my crush gets any more out of control I’m going to enter restraining order territory.  It’s my crush on Mary-Louise Parker’s world; we only live in it.

Anyway, my undying love for MLP aside, this really is a great late-night interview.  I sometimes forget how good Letterman is with guests — he gives Mary-Louise plenty of room to be charming and funny, but isn’t afraid to let silence punctuate an innuendo (see the 1:45 mark) or be brutally honest for a laugh (“I really wish I cared about this”).

I wish I could have been there in person.  I would have won Mary-Louise’s love by murdering Paul Shaffer.  Hey, it worked for John Hinckley, right?  No?  I thought he ended up with Jodie Foster?  A lesbian?  Really?  Huh.  What a waste of an assassination attempt.

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