Sad news today. Phil Harris, who captained the Cornelia Marie on Discovery’s “Deadliest Catch,” has passed away at the age of 53, two weeks after he suffered a stroke. Harris’s condition had improved in recent days until he took a turn for the worse. TMZ brings us this unfortunate quote:

Harris was hospitalized a few weeks ago after suffering a stroke while unloading crabs.

Jake and Josh Harris, the sons who are also featured on “Deadliest Catch,” released this statement:

It is with great sadness that we say goodbye to our dad — Captain Phil Harris. Dad has always been a fighter and continued to be until the end. For us and the crew, he was someone who never backed down. We will remember and celebrate that strength. Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers. [via THR]

Notably, Harris should NOT be confused with Paul Watson from “Whale Wars,” the fat, white-haired captain that “South Park” skewered in last season’s “Whale Whores” episode. Which is too bad. If Watson had died I could have recommended “Poker Face” for his funeral.

Less than a month after the “Whale Wars” crew claimed it was followed illegally into French Antarctic waters by Japanese whalers, a collision between the two factions’ ships has destroyed a high-tech speed boat owned by the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society. And best of all… there’s video! Hooray!

In the clip below that was released by Japan’s Shonan Maru, you can clearly see the high-power water cannons used by the Japanese crew (and I think you can hear the LRAD sound weapon underneath the AP voiceover) before the two vessels collide, destroying the hull of the speedboat (pictured) and injuring one of the crew. Suck on that, hippies.

Not that I’m sympathetic to Japanese whalers. Or any whalers, for that matter. In fact, I’d much prefer it if the whaling ship got damaged. But I can’t cheer for the so-called “pirates” until they take up some real pirating. I’m talking about AK-47s, hostile takeovers, and Exocet missiles.  But if they need to start a little smaller, I’d settle for some rum and butt sex.

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The Sea Shepherd, the conservation society that stars in Animal Planet’s “Whale Wars,” said that its boat (the Steve Irwin) was followed and attacked by a Japanese ship called the Shonan Maru No 2. According to a Sea Shepherd spokeswoman said that the Shonan Maru followed the Steve Irwin into French waters without permission from the French, and that’s when the NONVIOLENT ACTS OF AGGRESSION WENT DOWN!

The spokeswoman said the Steve Irwin helicopter then flew back to film the Shonan Maru in its pursuit.  “In response, the crew of the Japanese ship activated their Long Range Acoustical Device (LRAD) at the Sea Shepherd helicopter,” she said. “LRAD is a military class weapon.” [Eh, yes and no. -Ed.] [...]

The Sea Shepherd helicopter returned to the Steve Irwin for safety, at which point the Shonan Maru increased speed and aimed their water canons at the helicopter on the landing pad, the spokeswoman said.

Steve Irwin Captain Paul Watson said the situation was now very dangerous.  “We have deliberately led the Japanese ship into thick ice in order to lose them in the ice,” he said. “The icebergs could easily damage either vessel.”

Wow, water cannons and sound waves! It’s like watching two amateur MMA fighters get into a pillow fight! “Watch out, that’s goose down!”

Sorry, as much as I’m against A-hole Japanese whalers, I can’t help but agree with the “South Park” episode that called out the Sea Shepherd for being pussies. Pro-nature groups would be a lot more effective if they were more committed to violence. Someone needs to put the fist into pacifist.

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What ‘Whale Wars’ SHOULD Be. The exploding whale, one of my favorite viral videos, turns forty years old in 2010. Asylum tracked down the reporter from the video and interviewed him. [Asylum]

Whoa, MAD Magazine still exists! Sarah Palin is “Blunder Woman” in the newest issue. Dammit, did they really have to make her so sexy? [Comics Alliance]

But no Michael Chiklis, sadly. “Lie to Me” will reunite most of the cast of “The Shield.” [Ausiello]

Mystery Nazi Twins! On Saturday night, Nat Geo will air a special about Joseph Mangele, an escaped Nazi war criminal whose “obsession to engineer an Aryan master race continued [after WWII], and that succeeded while he was on the run in South America. Deep in the Brazilian outback in a tiny town among the 80 households in a one-square-mile area are reportedly some 38 pairs of twins. Blond, blue-eyed twins.” Sweet! [Nat Geo via boing boing]

Finally, a website dedicated to ‘The Simpsons.’ Bart’s Blackboard is home to all 400+ opening-credit blackboard gags from “The Simpsons.” Not bad, but I still prefer Eye on Springfield. [Urlesque]

As the Internet’s leading provider of “Whale Wars”-themed Photoshops, it is my duty to inform you that tomorrow’s episode of “South Park” will spoof the popular Animal Planet series.

In the episode titled “Whale Whores,” premiering at 10 p.m. on Wednesday, Stan and his family are spending his birthday at the Denver Aquarium, where they will get to swim with the dolphins, but the fun turns bloody when the Japanese attack, kill all the dolphins and ruin Stan’s big day. In return, Stan takes on the cause to save the dolphins from the Japanese. [source]

Oh man. I’m not a die-hard “South Park” fan but I’ve got a feeling this’ll be a good one. Dolphin massacre, cheap racial stereotypes, and young boys. It’s everything that turns your dad on.