FOX and the producers of the upcoming Asa of Judah-quality Idol killer “The X Factor” said Monday that they would award the winner of their forthcoming singing competition a Sony Music record deal worth five million dollars, the “the largest guaranteed prize in television history.”

To make things even better, singers as young as twelve years old will be able to compete on “The X Factor,” as will groups.  And while the whole “giving five million dollars to a twelve year old” thing isn’t going to result in anything above a Miranda-Cosgrovian brat dynamo, the groups addition leaves both of my “Havok and Polaris will be on the show” and “Justin Credible and Prince Albert will be on this show” jokes intact.

No hosts other than Simon Cowell have been confirmed, but Simon’s rambling, increasingly esoteric comparisons to explain what a bad singer sings like will be enough to get me to wach.  “I THOUGHT it was LIKE when you go to an 18th century cotillion and a child is being made to sing against his will for the enjoyment of Lord Fauntleroy, and” so on and so on.

[New York Times]

I don’t know which 1970s quiz show this clip is from, but it’s funny in a “kids say the most racist things” sort of way. The question posed by the host is:

When we refer to someone as “yellow,” we consider them to be what?

Uh oh. Tough question. As anyone’s racist grandfather can tell you, the correct answer is “one a them schemin’ Japs,” although “gook” may also be acceptable depending on which war helped make Grandpa the way he is. Unfortunately for the little girl, the question was NOT posed by a panel of Korean War veterans, so her racially insensitive response was deemed incorrect, and the boy sitting next to her got the chance to answer the question. The Asian boy sitting next to her. Awkward!

[via BuzzFeed]

Legendary sex symbol Farrah Fawcett — who will only be pictorially depicted here as Hot Farrah, never as Crazy Farrah or Cancer Farrah — continues to struggle with cancer of the ass, her troubled son Redmond O’Neal admitted in a recent court hearing.  Drug-addicted Redmond O’Neal, 24, cited his mother’s illness as a reason he wanted to get clean.

“I want to be there for my mother,” O’Neal said in a barely audible voice, referring to Fawcett. “She weighs about 86 pounds. I’m upset with myself. My timing sucks.”

Man, I haven’t weighed 86 pounds since I was a junior in high school.  I was a sickly child.  A bit of a late bloomer.

O’Neal has battled drug addiction for years. Several weeks ago he was kicked out of rehab after testing positive for methamphetamine and when traces of heroin were found in his room, prosecutors said.

O’Neal’s right: this is horrible timing.  When your family members get cancer, it just totally messes up your getting-high-on-meth schedule.