“Gee, how long do you think it took for him to come up with this list?” “I don’t know, but I’ve got five reasons why it’s terrible.” “DO-HO-HO-HO-HOH!”

I’ve been waiting for this day since the moment Muppets in Space first disappointed me back in 1999, which was approximately three minutes into the movie: today’s the day a new Muppet movie is released! *Screams “yay” and flails arms like Kermit*

To prepare for the muppical extravaganza, written by Jason Segel and Nicholas Stoller, I’ve been re-watching old episodes of “The Muppet Show,” which aired from 1976-1981. And I’ve noticed something that I didn’t pick up on when I was child watching reruns on the Disney Channel: “The Muppet Show” is often wonderfully inappropriate for children. There are sex jokes galore, and the writers never missed an opportunity to slyly use a curse word.

In celebration of The Muppets, here are 10 skits that prove the most sensational, inspirational, and celebrational show of all-time was secretly for adults, with nary a mention of Gonzo’s weird chicken fetish.

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That jovial, rednecked fellow you see above is not Larry the Cable Guy; it’s an impersonator who “not only looks like Larry the Cable Guy, he has captured the entertainer’s voice and mannerisms, as well.” Any well-known celebrity from Roseanne to Larry David can be impersonated by dozens of actors and actresses online, and then hired by you, for only hundreds of dollars! Win-win. So, the next time you need someone to entertain your corporate event or gathering, why not give Fake Alan Alda or Terrifying Sarah Jessica Parker a shot?

Here are some of my favorite TV impersonators. And if you decide to hire Black-and-White Tim Allen, tell ‘em Warming Glow sent you and they’ll throw in a Wilson for free!

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I was recently having a discussion with someone who does marketing for Pepsi’s website, and I asked them, “Who goes to Pepsi.com?” They didn’t really have an answer, because while I love Pepsi, I have never been to Pepsi.com. Likewise, “Community” and “Parks and Recreation” are two of my favorite TV shows, but I’ve never been to their official websites (the closest I come is watching old episodes on Hulu) because IMDb and Wikipedia can answer for me what Ben called Perd Hapley at the end of “Media Blitz” (correct answer: Turd Crapley). But nearly every show in the Internet era has (or had) one, and thanks to the magic of the Way Back Machine, we can see what, say, the website for “Freaks and Geeks” looked like (way) back in the day.

Here are ten of my favorites.

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In a fortuitous twist of romantic fate, Warming Glow’s listmaker-in-chief Josh Kurp and I both got engaged within the same month this fall. No, NOT TO EACH OTHER, har har har. The coincidence got us to talking about TV’s finest marriage proposals, and we knew right away that it needed to be added to the official pantheon of Warming Glow lists.

However, instead of letting Josh do his usual thing and just make a list for you, I demanded to get in the way and talk about TV episodes I’d never seen. It’s one of my better gifts. What follows is Josh’s list and our accompanying Gchat (edited for clarity). Spoilers follow, if you’re five years or a decade behind on watching TV.

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Handsome Pete is actually in four episodes, but I've wanted to use this picture for a while.

Springfield and its neighboring towns Shelbyville and Capitol City are filled with hundreds of characters that have appeared on “The Simpsons,” and many of them were intended to show up in one episode. For instance, Gil wasn’t supposed to be one of the show’s most beloved characters; he was just supposed to be on the show as a schmuck once, and then disappear to Dr. Marvin Monroe Land. But the fans loved him, so he stayed. Some characters aren’t so lucky, though, even if they’re equally as adored. On the next few pages are the ten greatest characters from “The Simpsons” who have appeared once and only once, voiced by one of the main actors (meaning: no guest stars, including Phil Hartman and Albert Brooks).

And before you wonder where he is, know that Rex Banner was voiced by Dave Thomas and Freddy Quimby has appeared in three episodes. Be sure to add your favorites in the comments section. (Will, the guy who ate a lot of cheese, would like to nominate the Creepy Frogurt Guy, and I’m mad at myself for not being able to fit in Knight Boat, the Crime-Solving Boat.)

To the Beemobile—I mean, the list!

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